Rainy, but clearing

Relocating to a new site

2009-06-16T05:00:00.001-07:00

Friends, I'm closing shop on this blog and moving over to Cecily. Mostly.

You'll find all the entries and new ones in a blog called Autism. Mostly. on the site.

Thanks for following the adventures of Bright Eyes. He starts school tomorrow (aaggh!), so I'll be keeping interested readers posted on the new site.

Ciao!

The new place

2009-06-11T04:34:00.000-07:00

We are settled into our new place, and Bright Eyes loves it. In fact, he has had a remarkable transition. He was so well prepared for moving here that it hardly even registered as a blip. He hasn't asked to go home once. Even sharing a room (albeit with a partition) with his brother has been nothing like the trauma I thought it might be. I am extremely thankful.

I have had the privilege of spending the last two days with him alone while the other kids went to school and preschool and we did a whole lot of RDI - probably the best we've ever done. It was great to have nothing else to do, and plenty of time to wait for him to participate.

The next BIG thing is school next week. He's going three days, for two hours each day. I'm nervous. My daughter is also nervous of how he'll be received. I'm hopeful it will be a positive experience for him. I'd appreciate any prayers you want to offer up for him...

Love it love it love it

2009-05-11T03:56:00.001-07:00

I wrote in this post about how I thought brain gym was really helping Bright Eyes.

I still think it is, but I got into 'trouble' (not really) from my consultant who said I am selling myself short and really I got him to the place where he was able to even cope with going into the brain gym room.

Yeah, alright, I'll take some credit. Hubby and I have both worked really hard with him for two years. But it wouldn't have been possible without the wonderful RDI program, and without our wonderful consultant. This truly is an amazing program and our consultant has become more than a professional - she's a friend now.

So yeah, if you're wondering if RDI will 'work', it will. What did that old ad say? "It won't heppen overnight but it will heppen."

Stage 5 here we come

2009-05-11T03:45:00.000-07:00

I haven't written here for about a month. So much has happened.

Firstly, our funding appears to be secure until he is seven, thanks to our consultant and her clever reading of the appropriate documents. Yay and thanks.

Secondly, he has completed Stage 4 of RDI. Probably that means the most to me - I like ticking things off lists, and getting to a whole new stage makes me feel happy. We had a look at the 20 'Foundations' of Stage 5 today and we're confident he has those except for two, so that's good too. Once we've moved and settled in, we'll start working on the next objectives.

Thirdly... he's going to start school in Kangaroo Valley when we get there. I had a great meeting with the principal, kindergarten teacher and our lovely preschool teacher who drove all the way down for it, and everything went as well as it could possibly go. The principal listened, asked good questions and then asked me, "so, what do you want him to do?"

My answer was: "go to school part time three days a week please." And the answer was "Yes."

Bright Eyes was funny at the school. We bought the uniform and he wanted to put it on straight away. Then he wanted to go out and start that day. He was really disappointed when I said he was starting on another day!

How do I feel? Pleased, and terrified at the same time. My beautiful daughter came to me in tears and said, "Mum, what if there's a bully at the school and they pick on him?" I assured her that if anything of the sort happened, I would be in there like a flash and would do everything possible to protect him. In the end, her fear is my fear too.

Anecdote: These days whenever we go out shopping, Bright Eyes has no qualms about talking to the checkout ladies like this. "Hello, it's Bright Eyes here. I am number 5. I go to big school in Kangaroo Vaaaa-lley." (I'm trying to teach him to say "I'm 5 years old.")

Resource: There's a new book out about RDI entitled (appropriately enough) The RDI Book by Dr S Gutstein. I have two copies. If you're desperate to read one, let me know!

New gloves and other things

2009-04-22T04:12:00.001-07:00

Right now Bright Eyes is wearing a pair of fingerless gloves that he has had on the last three days - ever since I brought them home for him. It seems that clothes hold no more fears for him. What a blessing.

Unfortunately, crowds and large playgrounds and exhibits still hold many fears for him. Or rather not fears, but over stimulation and build up of aggression. We spent the day in Darling Harbour and it got pretty hairy trying to get him out of the playground. He was bossy, aggro, stiff and tense, and generally hard to handle. I was glad to have my mum there to supervise the other children while I focused on him. I'm glad to be moving to a small village where there is not much to do or look at!

Big news is that he will be starting school probably part time when we move. I am finally at the point where I think he will cope with a bit of school and I don't shudder to send him. He's fairly excited about it and tells anyone who'll listen, "I go to big school in Kangaroo Vaaaalley". Of course, he hasn't actually started to go yet... there's a big difference between anticipation and reality.

If you are of the praying persuasion, I'd appreciate some prayer about his government funding for RDI once he turns 6 in August. I need to apply for special consideration for it to continue an extra year. Otherwise we'll be back to paying it out of our own pockets.

Brand new boy

2009-04-02T23:58:00.000-07:00

"Campbell has new shoes. Campbell is a brand new boy. James is a brand new boy too. James has new shoes too. Campbell goes really faster. James goes faster too. Campbell has a new big striped shirt."

This is what Bright Eyes is telling me to write as he stands here looking over my shoulder, reading everything I am putting down.

He really is a 'brand new boy' this week. He is wearing new jeans and new shirts and I managed to convince him that he would go faster if he had fast shoes. After two and a half years wearing crocs, day in and day out, he is finally in joggers! This is a red letter day!

Why all the improvement? I really think brain gym has had a lot to do with it. A lot of gains have been made in the six weeks since we started doing such simple things as hand rubs and muscle stretches. The body is really complex.

I'm feeling so optimistic right now that I'm even going to negotiate with the principal of the school in the new town we're moving to in five weeks time to see if he can attend part time, maybe a couple of mornings a week. This is the FIRST time ever I have felt that he might be able to cope.

Yesterday was beautiful too. We dropped into our daughter's youth group for a parents' evening. A 5 year old boy Bright Eyes knew slightly was also there. They spent an hour actually playing - simple stuff like 'tip' and pulling and pushing a heavy box but... they were really relating. I am a happy mummy.

Challenges will come as we move, however, so I'll keep you posted.

Brain gym and empathy

2009-03-25T21:49:00.000-07:00

Bright Eyes has begun a thing called Brain Gym which is kinesiology or something like this. Personally, I'm not completely up on how it works - only that the muscles of your body connect to your brain, and somehow by working specific muscles in particular exercises you can help your brain make connections which will help you.

That's all fine and dandy, but the thing I really want to share with you is that Bright Eyes has progressed in 3 sessions from not wanting to go in, not talking to the lady, not doing anything she asks, and not even letting her come near him, to being able to hop up on the table, let her touch him and follow her instructions such as 'push your feet', 'pull your toes', 'breathe in and bring your head up', 'no, not so much, just a little bit' etc.

It was amazing to watch him cooperate with her and even enjoy her company this week. I'm delighted.

His little friendship at preschool has continued. This morning when I arrived his buddy said, "Oh, you brought your Thomas again. I asked my mum for a Thomas and she said No no no. That's not fair." Bright Eyes agreed. "No, that's not fair."

Show and tell

2009-03-14T03:11:00.000-07:00

We took a morning to go to the local Show today. At first we were a little bit hesitant, knowing that Bright Eyes has not reacted well to fairs and museums and things like this in the past, but we decided to head out anyway.

He absolutely LOVED the rides. This child has no fear. Pictured here is the first ride, during which he yelled out to anyone who would listen, "I'm excited about this. This is really exciting!"

If he was excited then, it was nothing compared to the roller coaster he took on next with his big sister. I could hardly watch the ride for fear of nausea. Apparently he yelled "Stop!" a few times, but when he got off he was breathless... and happy! Later I asked him what he enjoyed the most, and he said, "The roller coaster."

He was anxious and uptight and fairly loud and bossy because of all the excitement, but we were able to take it as over-the-top nervous energy from the stimulation, rather than treat it as bossiness. He did calm down in the end, and we ended up having to leave not because of his needs, but because his big sister was feeling sick... from the ride!

I'll tell you when I'm ready to 'go'

2009-03-07T12:29:00.000-08:00

Same headline as below, different topic...

I thought I might update you on Bright Eyes' toilet habits. Anyone with an ASD child is going to be very interested in this. You others may want to pass.

He started to do his daytime wees in the toilet I think at the age of 4 or thereabouts, but there was no way he was going to sit on the loo for a number two. Instead, he told me when he was about to go, and asked for a nappy.

This is still going on! Once a day he runs out, "Mum, I want a nappy" and I obligingly put it on, wait and then clean it up.

Here and there I suggest that he might like to sit on the toilet to do his poo. I always get a violent 'no' and give up the idea for a while. I'm hoping that when he's ready he'll feel able to do it.

A few weeks ago I tried bribery. He was very interested in a Thomas the Tank Engine catalogue. I said, "See that engine there - if you can do your poos on the toilet, I'll buy you a train that you like."

I got a flicker of interest. We talked some more, and he agreed. All day, until it was time to 'go'. Then it went back to being a big fat "Nooooo - I want a nappy."

So I decided to change tack. This time I asked him, "When are you going to do your poos on the toilet?" He thought for a while and said, "When I'm six."

It's become a bit of a fixed idea now. He'll often talk about "When I'm six, I'll go on the toilet. And then you'll buy me a new train." It's a shame we've got to wait until August for his birthday. When it comes closer, I'm going to start talking about not buying any more nappies because he'll be too big, and hope for a smooth transition.

And as a postscript, because he sees his brother wear a nappy, little boy Jamesie, who is completely toilet trained and has been since he was two and a half, thinks it's cool to wear nappies. rats...

I'll tell you when I'm ready to go

2009-02-25T02:56:00.001-08:00

Today we had an interesting experience.

Bright Eyes did not want to go to preschool and did the whole scream and cry routine. He shut himself in his room, so I gave up and said, "We'll go later."

"I need to be by myself in my room," he said.

"Okay," I agreed.

Five minutes later I heard this: "You can come in now," so I went in and helped him come out with me. We started to talk gently about preschool and he said to me, "I'll tell you when I'm ready to go to preschool."

"Okay," I said. "Are you ready to go now?"

"No, not yet. I'm still patting the dog."

"How about we do 10 more pats and then we'll go," I suggested.

"20 more pats," he said.

"15," I negotiated.

After 15 pats, we went happily, and I mean really happily, to preschool. And he had a great day.

Brothers

2009-02-09T01:08:00.000-08:00

Bright Eyes and his best friend/worst enemy little brother Jamesie.

Focus time

2009-02-09T01:02:00.000-08:00

Big sister went off to art class and little brother was at daycare today so Bright Eyes and I had some really good focus time, working on our RDI objectives.

I thought it would be good to get out of the house for a bit, so we spent 1.5 hours hanging around town. We read library books, went to the bank, saw the train station, rode in the lift, went to the park, played trains and headed back to the library again.

Along the way, I kept commenting on things that looked like other things. "Wow - that building looks like our church a bit" or "This lift is just like the lift at the Powerhouse Museum" or "Oh, there's a camera just like Dad's."

This is to get him aware that he can compare familiar situations to new ones and find similarities with other things he knows already.

I did get two comments from him. One was about the park: "Oh, that looks like our garden," and the other about a red POST van we saw: "Oh, it's just like Postman Pat's van."

A second objective is about finding alternative ways to do things. So I kept introducing new ideas. "Hmmm, we could go this way and cross there, or we could cross here, and walk up there," or "We could read this book first, or maybe it would be good to read this one first."

It was a good time together and I think we are getting somewhere on the objective.

... or not to weigh

2009-02-07T00:32:00.001-08:00

We borrowed some old scales from a friend to play with for a while. The children are enjoying comparing the weights of objects around the house. We even weighed our pet rats!

Not ready yet

2009-02-07T00:30:00.001-08:00

We tried to beat the heat today by riding in our airconditioned car to the airconditioned Powerhouse Museum where we thought we could have a few good hours of exploration.

Unfortunately, however, we realised Bright Eyes is not ready to hit a venue so full of stimulating sounds and sights. We could literally see him getting flooded. He turned bossy, controlling, anxious and loud. After a reasonable attempt for the rest of the family, we left for icecreams and headed home.

Maybe we'll try again next year.

Donut surprise

2009-02-02T22:27:00.000-08:00

Of all the expensive kitchen appliances I've bought for the purpose of creating better things to eat for my picky food child Bright Eyes, the $17 donut maker from Big W has been the most successful.

The problem with a lot of gluten free cooking is that it just seems to crumble apart. I have not had good success with cookies and muffins. However, if you put the same batter in the donut maker it comes out so together you wouldn't even know it was GFCF.

Today's recipe is a lucky success: Zucchini and Banana donuts. Here's how I did it.

Peel (to get rid of the green bits for hiding purposes) and steam a zucchini. Whizz together with a ripe banana into a disgusting looking mash.
Cream 150g butter with 3tsp sugar.
Add the zucchini/banana mix.
Add one egg.
Mix in 1 tsp baking powder and about 3/4 - 1 cup of GF flour. (Honestly, I measured nothing, so I'm guessing. You need a relatively thick batter.)
Spoon into the donut maker and cook the donuts.
Ice with a thin coat of chocolate icing (just icing sugar, cocoa and water)

It might work in a waffle maker or small pancake maker too. The last batch of donuts had sweet potato in them, so you could try any type of pureed vegetable.

I'm pleased I made them with a banana because I'm not tempted to eat them at all, bananas being my least favourite food (besides liver).

Happy happy happy happy happy

2009-02-01T00:44:00.000-08:00

Fanfare: boom dish boom dish tah-dah. Bright Eyes has made a friend!

I walked in to preschool to pick him up from his first day back on Wednesday last week and I saw him hand in hand with a little boy. The two of them came up to me and the little pal said, "Could we have a few more minutes to play some more?"

Flabbergasted, I said, "Of course (heck, kid, go do what you want)" and made big eyes to the preschool teacher.

"They've been like that all day," she said. "They are playing together and enjoying the same things. They just clicked from the start."

The little fella (and I'll have to name him Buddy I think) is about 4 and was not in the class last year. He loves cars and trains and all the things that Bright Eyes loves so they are a good match.

Day Two was the same. The teacher showed me a photograph she took of Bright Eyes sitting next to Buddy in group time, with his arm around his shoulders. I walked out floating.

This is really the first friendship. I'm going to try to have Buddy around to play if it keeps going. If that happens, it will be Bright Eyes' first real playdate. And you'll hear about it.

Just when I thought I couldn't get enough happy things in one week, this morning for the first time ever, Bright Eyes went to Sunday school and stayed in for the whole class. It's a new class, with only one other little boy in it (also about 4, and looking exactly like Buddy), so that will be perfect for him.

Thanks for sharing my happiness!

Journalling

2009-01-27T00:29:00.000-08:00

My RDI task at the moment is journalling about working with Bright Eyes to cooperate and co-regulate.

Bright Eyes has been improving in his ability to be guided and to participate in a game or a task, as opposed to having to control it all the time.

We have really been enjoying having games with his Brum car and another one which I christened 'Sheridee'. It's a girl car apparently. They have been shopping, built garages, visited the beach and the snow, sailed in boats, pretended to be airplanes, gotten married to each other and generally had as full and interesting lives as is possible for small toy cars.

Bright Eyes continually invites us to participate with him, saying 'Want to play?' in a really sweet voice and full eye contact.

Today we made signs with the names Brum and Sheridee. I wrote their names in pencil, and gave him the fat texta to hold to trace over them. He wouldn't do it unless I had my hand very close to his on the pen, but the movement and the grip was all his. He seemed very proud of them at the end when I showed great excitement at the fact that he had written by himself.

We had a blow-out the other day on a walk around the lake. Bright Eyes decided to be the 'leader' and delegated his brother to being the 'follower'. His brother was unhappy about this and chased him to try to take over the 'leader' role. Fisticuffs ensued and I had to hold Bright Eyes back and say "That is not ok."

His brother took off, and Bright Eyes collapsed on the path. "I can't go. We have to go home. Home time. etc etc" in loud yells and screams. I sent the sister after the little one and got Bright Eyes up by noticing that he might get bitten by mosquitoes if he remained on the path. We walked along with him in varying states of unhappiness, but at least he was moving. It will be interesting to see if he can cope with not necessarily being the leader next time we try it.

A recent email from a friend who did some babysitting

2009-01-23T23:39:00.000-08:00

Dear Cecily

Thought you might like to know that Bright Eyes really interacted well today with the kids and me! I think I told you he sat at the lunch table, waited till we were all there, and then said ‘George is my friend, and Amelia is Jemima’s friend’. A bit later when there was a lull in the conversation, he said “Sarah, I went ice skating and I had hot chippies (I think that’s what he called them) for lunch”. Also, we had a conversation then about whether he fell over, whether he got bruises, if he went roller skating.......

And like you suggested when he wanted a second apple iceblock, and I said that’s fine, but can you ask me with manners (which is exactly what I say to mine), and he did.

I have read your blog about Bright Eyes, and the past week at RDA (how full on). I was reflecting on what I knew of him when he first arrived here and where he is now, and although I know you see a long way to go, I also see a long way come. Please be encouraged, and encouraged to keep going.

TV free

2009-01-19T00:59:00.001-08:00

So far so good on the no TV front. They don't seem to be missing it at all! The littlest one asked where it was and Bright Eyes said, "It grew arms and legs and walked away."

?????! Where did that come from?

RDA

2009-01-17T00:14:00.000-08:00

RDA stands for Relationship Development Assessment which is a number of appointments spread out over five days with our RDI consultant. We look at how Bright Eyes is going, try some things out with him, and make plans for progress.

I thought the first session went brilliantly and I was a great RDI person... so I was extremely humbled to realise through our consultant that actually Bright Eyes wasn't doing so well. He appeared to be communicating and being an apprentice but if you looked closely, he was actually taking over and directing the play the entire time. I was accommodating him in a big way so that things would go smoothly. However, once he was asked to go along with me, he resisted dreadfully.

Once we worked this out, the rest of the week was spent helping him to be ok with being an apprentice and learning how to play within a relationship rather than having to be in control of everything. It took a lot of crying and tears (both of us) to get to the last session in which our play was a lot more interactive and relational.

I found it all very emotional and quite draining, but I've come home positive.

We have also made a HUGE change by putting the TV away. We knew, but we didn't want to admit that for a while now, Bright Eyes has been living in TV-land. It has become an addiction for him.

We have let it go on because it has been easier to keep him quiet by putting on a video when things get a bit rough. However, in the long term, that won't work for his benefit. So now we are TV-free, and we'll be strictly limiting computer time for everyone.

Today was the first day. I was expecting tantrums and fuss, but honestly - he hasn't even noticed. Let's hope it continues to be this easy!

2008

2008-12-31T03:50:00.000-08:00

We've seen good progress this year - although it was a bit hard to believe that in the middle months somehow.

Speech is better. He is having more conversation type interactions. He is understanding more. He is asking questions about things. He is saying "Look at me" and being motivated to join in games with others. The other day we went to the park where he saw a little boy from preschool. "Eden. I got a Woody toy for Christmas. Eden. Do you want to play with me?"

He's better with people that he knows - if he's in the mood for them. He quite likes Mr Wardle next door and usually says hello and goodbye and makes a comment or asks a question. Today he asked for his grandparents to come and visit him. He knows the relationships between different people.

He shows great interest in what others are doing. Tonight our daughter was out with friends at fireworks. "Where is she?" asked Bright Eyes. I gave a vague answer but that wasn't specific enough for him. "Where did they go?" "What is she doing?"

He can cope with more noise and chaos than previously, although it's still not a whole lot.

He can deal better with transitions - he doesn't yelp any more - he can get in and out of the car without hassles (most of the time) - he doesn't have to do his specific rituals at the front door any more.

And I can deal better with it too. My everyday sadness has lifted somewhat. I feel more optimistic for him. I find myself treating him more like the other children than I used to. I expect more from him, and I don't panic or shut down as much as I used to.

So looking back, all in all it has been a good year, even though at times it seemed impossible to go on. I don't want to sound falsely happy as though it has all been great and steady progress and everything is on the up and up. There was a period where I really wondered if I could go on with this, and one or two episodes where I felt as low as I have ever felt, and in fact, really truly understood how some parents either harm their children or engage in self-harm.

Thankfully, though, with help and grace from God and from people, I have made it through the year - and I'm ending it with optimism. That's a real blessing - and probably the greatest miracle yet.

Pool bunny

2008-12-26T01:09:00.000-08:00

Bright Eyes spent the entire day in my Poppa's pool today. We had a family Christmas party on. All he wanted to do was swim.

He experimented with being thrown, jumping in, and being pushed. He jumped so hard that his floaties (water wings) actually split!

It made for a very happy day for him. And I think he'll sleep extremely well tonight.

Christmas progress

2008-12-22T03:05:00.000-08:00

If you've been reading for a while you might remember that last Christmas was pretty disastrous for Bright Eyes. He didn't cope with the noise, the presents, the people, the excitement. It was pretty much the worst Christmas I think he ever had.

This year, however, it is a different story. Tonight we had the first of our three family Christmas parties, with presents, dinner... the works. And he was great!

First, he had to wait for at least an hour for the rest of the family to get there. Then, he had to wait to find the present he really wanted (Woody from Toy Story). He helped to deliver the presents to all the rest of the family. He opened things by himself. He coped with the delays of getting toys out of boxes (&*$%^ packaging). He even coped with the delays in putting batteries in things and finding screwdrivers etc.

All in all, he was absolutely a normal child opening his Christmas presents. It was really wonderful to see such progress in a year.

And just now, he brought his Woody toy to me and said, "In the morning I will go to preschool and I will put Buzz and Woody in my locker. Then it will be news time. I'll show Woody for news."

After that, he said, "Woody is really fantastic. He is just fantastic. I want to show him to someone."

It's so nice to make progress.

We are now more than halfway through Stage 4 objectives. When we first looked at them in January, I thought, "Oh no, there is no way Bright Eyes can do this stuff." I looked again at the remaining ones yesterday and thought, "he can at least do half of all of these. There is nothing hugely out of his reach."

Then I looked at the Stage 5 objectives and thought, "But there's no way he's up to these." It's great because from the experience with Stage 4 I can see that he will get there. He's got this far, and unless things really change, he can get further and do even better as long as I'm content to go piece by piece, step by step.

Bushwalk resilience

2008-12-18T01:03:00.001-08:00

During his big sister's harp lesson today, Bright Eyes and I went on a short bush walk. I enjoyed it. He didn't!

"Can we go back to the car now? We have to go home now. It's finished. I'm not going on a walk. It's not walk time. etc" He frequently tried to stop, turn around and run away.

I kept my mouth shut and stood close to him, offering my hand. At one stage I squatted next to him, held him close and just pointed in the direction we were intending to go.

He fought verbally, but didn't resist too much physically, so we did make it down the track a little ways and then back.

Half way down I stopped and said, "Hey, if we close our eyes we can listen to all sorts of sounds." He stopped for a bit, listened and said, "I can hear an eagle."

It was a good exercise in resilience for me (making it happen with guidance rather than force or entertainment) and competence for him (doing something he didn't feel confident about and succeeding.)

Oh my goodness

2008-12-13T23:16:00.001-08:00

I have just this minute come back in from my husband's study where Bright Eyes has shown me a new song he has 'written' with our keyboard. He chose a rhythm and automatic arpeggio setting and then sang a version of Dorothy the Dinosaur with the CORRECT CHORD SEQUENCES! He pressed C then G then F then C again.

This child is definitely musical.

Holes in the roof

2008-12-13T23:03:00.001-08:00

Bright Eyes and I sat in the crying room at church today which is where we usually sit, but today the TV sound was not working so we couldn't hear anything that was going on.

Rather than get frustrated and consider the morning a waste of time, I decided to use the fact that the little brother was happily at Sunday school and there was no one else in the crying room and worked on one of our RDI objectives.

This one is about imagination. We were playing 'Wake Up Jeff' which of course is a straight script from the Wiggles, so I decided to change it. I said "I'm imagining something really funny."

He turned to look at me with a quizzical face. I decided to wait and see if he was still interested if I didn't give it to him straight away. He turned away for a second and then turned back with a sort of 'Hmmm?' noise as if to say 'Well, go on then.'

I said, "Imagine if I said Wake up and you jumped so high that you hit the roof and made a hole in it! That would be funny!"

From there we talked about whether he would go through the roof (he would) and if it would hurt (yes, it would hurt his head). He suggested he would make a hole in the clouds (what's inside the clouds mum?) and then described what his big sister would say when she saw the hole ("Bright Eyes - you've got to be more careful") and how he would respond ("Sister, leave me alone and go to your room"). Then we talked about what a mess it would make on the floor (a big one and we'd clean it up with a vaccuum cleaner) and how high he would go (very high - right up into the sky) and how we'd have to fix the roof (with glue).

It was a great discussion. We both were partners in contributing ideas and moving the conversation along, and we were both genuinely enjoying the exchange. It really was a real conversation that I didn't have to manufacture.

All in all, not a waste of time at all.

Tantrum because of fear

2008-12-05T00:57:00.001-08:00

On Thursday, Bright Eyes' preschool class was going on an excursion - to Moss Vale on the train.

I thought he would be very keen, as he often asks to go on trains and enjoyed Thomas so much for so long, so I talked it up a little bit.

Unfortunately I miscalculated. It turned out he was worried about going on the train. "It's dangerous. I can't go," he told me. He got so worked up that he threw a big wobbly tantrum at the preschool gate and I had to do the old unprise-the-hands-carry-the-child-in-kicking-and-screaming trick.

It turned out fine. The teacher took him down. At first she said he was terrified and gripping her hand so tightly she could hardly move. She noticed that as they got closer to the train and actually got on, he was starting to enjoy it.

I think the tantrum came out of genuine fear. He didn't think he could be competent without me on the train, so he didn't want to go.

I've been trying to talk about it with him all week - reminding him that he was scared, but in the end it was ok and he had a good time. I might have to draw some pictures of it with him.

Credits and sushi

2008-12-02T23:51:00.000-08:00

Two unrelated things?

Bright Eyes really likes the rolling credits on the ends of films and TV shows. He always has to watch right to the end.

I've been noticing that my bamboo mat for rolling sushi keeps getting taken out of the kitchen drawer, and I've been wondering what the attraction is.

Yesterday I found that he is using the bamboo mat as a kind of 'rolling credits' of his own. He hums music, unrolls the mat and pretends that the strips of bamboo are the words going up or down the screen.

I have no idea what to make of it!

Relationships with other kids

2008-12-01T01:23:00.000-08:00

Bright Eyes is keen to be friends with other children, but he doesn't really know what to do. He is fine if the game is a basic 'run and hide from the monster' type thing. He can tag along on the end and get excited.

He can also now do a simple "let's go down the slide together" or "let's swing our arms together" or even a "let's build a road together".

Once things start getting more complicated with roles and imagination, he gets lost and overwhelmed.

He is getting the idea of some people being his friends as well. He came in the other day and said, "George is my friend. I just like playing with him. Let's go and see George." And one day after preschool he told me in answer to a question that "I played with Liam. He's my friend. I like playing with him."

Just so you know, he's at RDI Stage 4.

Resistance

2008-12-01T00:48:00.000-08:00

All year we have been working on an objective aimed at reducing resistance. Sometimes I think it will never end, but other days I can see how he is learning to build resilience.

Today and yesterday he wanted to watch more TV than I was prepared to give. He was very definite about it and went into a bit of a yelling/screaming thing when he hit my 'no'. After about 10 minutes, he went outside, sat by himself for a little while and then came in prepared to do something else.

Other good things that happened: he helped me fill a beanbag with beans, and then was really keen to help me vaccuum up the ones that fell all over the floor. He got interested in blowing them around during the job, but he did refocus to come back to putting the beans in the bag. It was great.

He was also keen to help unload the trolley a little bit at the shops. All in all, it was quite a 'partnering' type of day.

Who's out there?

2008-11-28T13:19:00.000-08:00

I've heard that some new people have started to read this blog. If you're happy to come out of lurkdom, introduce yourself. We might all make some new friends!

Conversation

2008-11-27T01:39:00.000-08:00

I'd rather write about his improvements. It makes for a happier blog. This week we had two happy days at preschool.

On Wednesday he invited another little boy to sit down with him at lunch. Then he made conversation by saying "I've got a skateboard at home." Wow!

He's also playing well with his little brother. They are quite good friends, and enjoying jumping, wrestling and trying things out together.

It's nice when these flashes of good stuff come through. It gives me strength to keep going through all the scripting and silly stuff that goes on.

Science centre

2008-11-23T22:43:00.000-08:00

We joined up at the Wollongong Science Centre and have been three times so far. Each time I have noticed improvements in Bright Eyes.

One of the exhibits is called the 'ballerina stand'. The science centre staff have to help the children stand in the right position, tell them what to do, and then set them spinning.

The first time we went, Bright Eyes ran away as soon as the staff member started to talk.

The second time, he lasted about 20 seconds before it was all too distracting for him.

This last time, he listened, adjusted his position, referred to the staff member's face, and did the ride until the end!

The only improvement could have been to say thank you at the end. I was very pleased!

Thanks for Buzz Lightyear and homeopathy

2008-11-16T03:49:00.001-08:00

It's funny how different people have differing opinions about homeopathy. I have some friends who are quite shy of it for religious reasons, some who dismiss it as quackery and not within the bounds of 'real medicine' and others who embrace it to the exclusion of regular doctoring.

Having grown up with homeopathy all my life, I'm just fine with it. And since it managed to cure my daughter's chronic cough, I've been a little bit evangelistic about it. It's had a good effect on my husband's stress too just recently.

I have no issues taking Bright Eyes to the homeopath for treatment. I am always amused by the interesting questions our homeopath asks (eg. What kind of food does he crave? Is he afraid of storms? Are his hands sweaty? What position does he sleep in?) But her remedies seem to hit the mark.

This week he's been taking a more concentrated dose of whatever it is in the little bottle (phosphorus for the curious - but don't self-dose because this sort of remedy must be individualised), and I've definitely noticed his change of mood to generally happy and smiley instead of aggravated and frustrated. He still has 'his moments' but I have noticed a good improvement.

Tonight, for the first time ever in his life, he hugged his dad when he came home from work. And later in the evening, he was lying down and dad suggested he pray, so he said, "Dear God. Thank you for Buzz Lightyear and I found the backpack and the wing and fixed him up. I like flying toys. Amen." Wow!

Run run

2008-11-09T00:32:00.000-08:00

Playing duck duck goose at his brother's birthday party last week.

Excuse me, but

2008-11-08T23:53:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream that the Red Wiggle, Anthony, told me off for the way Bright Eyes was behaving at a school sports day.

"Excuse me, but he's autistic. I can't make him be quiet," I said to him, and then woke up.

Now that Bright Eyes is 5, I am starting to get a few more comments about his behaviour. People don't necessarily expect say, a three year old, to look at them, or answer, or even say anything remotely coherent. Once a child gets to the age of 5, however, there are more expectations on him.

Today we were at the pool. We have been there before with fewer people around. Bright Eyes swims very happily and confidently with his floaties on and loves being in the big pool.

Today was a lovely warm Sunday afternoon, and the pool was full. I was sitting by the side watching both boys when I saw o0ne of the lifeguards come by and try to tell Bright Eyes something. I could see that he was getting no response, so I went up to see what the problem was.

"He can't be in the big pool with floaties," he said. "If he loses one, he'll be in big trouble and I can't watch him all the time."

I started to get anxious. I knew that a happy trip to the pool could possibly turn into a major episode if I had to make him move.

"It's ok with me," I said. "He goes in there a lot and I'm watching him closely."

"Well, he'll have to go in the small pool. He just can't go in the big pool," he said again.

"I'm going to have trouble with that," I said. "He's got autism and if I tell him he has to move out when he's already been in there, he's going to cause a big big fuss."

"Oh, hmm, well, I guess if you stay here and watch him it will be ok," he said eventually. So I stayed less than four feet away from him for the rest of the time.

When the lifeguard came back, he tried to talk to him again to explain, but Bright Eyes figured out that he didn't like what he was saying, so he said to me, "Make him go away," and pointed at him. "I don't like it."

The lifeguard laughed a little bit and Bright Eyes said, "It's not funny. He can't laugh!"

After a few more unsuccessful attempts to connect with him, the lifeguard gave up and said to me, "You've got your hands full."

Yep.

yay for the government

2008-11-03T23:19:00.000-08:00

The new Labour government promised when they got into power that they would find funding for autism. Today, they have come through on their promise for me.

I found out today that they will pay $6,000 each year for the next two years until Bright Eyes is 7 in fees to our RDI consultant for ongoing therapy. This will cover our therapy costs.

I am really pleased about this. I had just let our consultant know that we were going to have to give up her regular help and just toddle along on our own because we had run out of money to pay for RDI after doing it for two years.

Now we can continue on, thanks to Kevin Rudd and the pollies who are taking autism seriously!

Update

2008-11-01T03:18:00.001-07:00

Oh, and he's been going in happily to preschool every morning this term...

Friends

2008-11-01T03:12:00.000-07:00

Here is Bright Eyes with Poppa - his great-grandfather. Pop has always had a special connection with him and the two of them are good friends.

Resistance and bluff

2008-10-28T04:20:00.000-07:00

Bright Eyes is getting to a point where he can be bluffed. For many months we have had a big problem handling transitions - screams, cries, refusals, hiding, tantrums, the works.

Our consultant saw a video I managed to shoot while we were on holidays. We were heading to the beach and he was refusing loudly to go. I was overtalking it and trying to convince him that it would be fun. His sister was also chipping in.

Honestly - I'm so dumb. Words have never convinced him up to this point. Why do I think it should work now?

Once he saw that we really were going, though, and he might get left behind, his yell changed: "I don't want to go" (next breath) "I want to go!"

Our consultant's advice was to not get involved in negotiations. For example, if he doesn't want to go to the beach, let him stay (with one of us, but not being entertained) but let everyone else go and have fun. He will almost certainly change his tune.

We have managed to bluff him in nearly every transition in the last week, and we are seeing the improvements already. Getting him out the door is generally a lot easier and he is reacting in less extreme ways. Yay!

Healing

2008-10-27T01:37:00.000-07:00

I have a cut on my finger. It's in a very awkward place - right between the little finger and the ring finger. It has been there a while now, but it hasn't healed well because every time I move my hand it cracks open again.

I finally decided that I would have to help it along, so I taped my two fingers together to reduce the movement. Within a day, my cut has gotten so much better! It will take a little while longer to really get there, so I'll leave the tape on even though it's really awkward trying to touch type without a left hand pinky!

What's my point? It occurred to me that our bodies are designed to heal. If it's at all possible, tissues will knit together and do what they are supposed to.

However, sometimes we need to give our bodies the right conditions in which to be able to heal. It might be as simple as taping a finger, or putting a leg in a cast or eating the right types of food.

The evidence is in that the brain can heal after trauma and injury. There's no reason, given the right conditions, that it cannot heal from autism, anxiety and ADHD.

I think RDI and the other interventions we are doing are providing the right conditions for Bright Eyes' brain to heal itself. It might take some time and be awkward for a while, but I believe it will happen.

new clothes

2008-10-01T15:46:00.000-07:00

This morning, Bright Eyes is sitting up eating his breakfast, wearing a new red racing car shirt (!!) and reading 'Peter and Jane' with his sister. Cute.

2008-10-01T03:11:00.000-07:00

Today was such a better day!

I am following our consultant's advice and hanging back. Today my dear sweet Bright Eyes solved his own problems, including mending his paintbrush that fell apart. The more I support him in doing his own things, the more competent - and confident in his competence - he will be become.

He is a lot happier since going back to his diet and the homeopath.

Today I left the paints out on the table and was delighted to see him paint a picture of a river (ie. the whole piece of paper was filled with watery blue paint from edge to edge). He wanted me to paint fishes in it, but I 'didn't have time sorry'. Who knows... he may paint them himself tomorrow.

We are painting our cubby house and he was pleased to come down and handle a brush for a bit. We painted together. I think he even did more than his nine year old sister!

Mum will do it

2008-09-28T19:46:00.000-07:00

I have the trouble of being a mother who does things for her children. That's fine except when it stops them doing things for themselves. I was given a little reminder of this the other day from our consultant. It stung, but I know she's right.

Bright Eyes will draw and paint at preschool, but not at home with me. The only time he's done it is when I've been unavailable to be with him. He yells "Come on mum - help help!" when I get out the crayons. The other day I said, "Ok, hang on. I'll come in a sec." When I eventually got there, he had done it himself.

I constantly need to hang back and give everyone the chance to do stuff for themselves - not just Bright Eyes. It goes against my nature, but I know it is for the best.

Today's progress

2008-09-25T03:35:00.000-07:00

I went back to the homeopath today. It was reassuring to see her. Bright Eyes did make a lot of progress under her up until I gave it up three months ago or so. He's on a new remedy, so we'll see how it goes.

I also did some focused RDI today after a bit of a break. I'll have a clip to show our consultant referring to parental resilience. I needed to be very calm today!

And... he went to preschool happily! Amazing. This time it is because of sheer bribery. The preschool staff have made him a 'treasure box' filled with cool stuff they know he'll like, including a brand-new Brum Toy, to play with only at preschool. Talk about an excited child! He practically ran through the door.

Yeah.

2008-09-23T03:37:00.001-07:00

I am really really really tired of autism.

Progress

2008-09-19T01:34:00.000-07:00

Things were much better today. Bright Eyes is adapting back to his GF/CF diet and seems to be becoming calmer.

I was very very happy to discover a really good bread recipe which he has taken to very easily. I've made it twice now - once with sultanas and once just plain - and it tastes lovely. Even my husband likes it!

This is how I did it:

In a small bowl combine and leave the following:
1/2 cup warm water
2 1/2 tsp yeast
2 tsp sugar

Mix up the wet ingredients:
1 1/2 cups rice milk (or water)
4 eggs
4 tbsps oil
1 tsp apple cider vinegar

Mix the dry ingredients:
4 cups GF flour
an appropriate amount of the Orgran gluten substitute (read the packet)
I also added 1/2 cup of LSA mix (linseed, sesame and almond)
(For the raisin bread, I added about 1 cup sultanas and a bit of sugar)
1 1/2 tsp salt

Combine everything and mix well. Put it into a well oiled bread pan and smooth it out with oily hands. Score it down the middle and leave to rise in a warm place under oiled plastic wrap for up to 90 minutes.

Bake for about 1 hr at 200C.

Preschool

2008-09-18T01:38:00.000-07:00

Check here for a description of getting Bright Eyes to preschool this morning plus the other shenanigans that accompanied it.

Sad eyes

2008-09-13T03:13:00.000-07:00

Poor Bright Eyes has not had such bright eyes recently. He's been pretty aggro, especially with his brother for the last few days.

It's not because his brother is particularly difficult - he just seems to have a need to get him away and express his dislike loudly and violently.

I've noticed his eyes being quite glassy again too.

I have a bad feeling that it's because he hasn't been on his diet for a while now. At first he didn't seem to react to gluten, but the longer time goes on, the more I think I need to get him back to the GF/CF diet.

I'm dreading it. It's going to be so difficult to take bread and biscuits away again. You can pray for us if you think of it!

Co-ordination

2008-09-08T23:20:00.000-07:00

This is a great little addition to the family wheels, made by a friend of ours. He chops little bikes in half, adds a pole and attaches them to bigger bikes. Kiddies get to ride safely along with parents and have a great time.

Bright Eyes tried it out today with both mum and dad (pictured). We went around the block a couple of times and had a ball.

It's fantastic for working together in coordination. We both have to pedal, and as it's tricky to turn in tight spots, we need to work together to get it facing oppositely.

I can see some good fun from this. Thanks Pete B for making it!

Apprentice again

2008-09-07T05:56:00.000-07:00

I was pleased to see that Bright Eyes is getting back to being interested in being an 'apprentice' again after his bad week and a half.

This morning he helped me put out the church morning tea, finding bowls and opening packets. We found the tea trolleys and wheeled them out, trying to be careful over the bumps.

Then this afternoon he helped daddy wash the car. "I can do that," he said frequently. "I can help!"

It's nice to have him back!

The grace of other people

2008-09-03T13:55:00.000-07:00

Bright Eyes had such a bad weekend that by Sunday I was a mess. I dragged him to church and had to beg out of my two responsibilities there because neither he nor I could cope.

Thank God for other people! They could see straight away that I was not coping (crying on people's shoulders will do that for you!) and I got rescued. The youngest and the oldest were both offered play dates for the afternoon so I could spend some decent time with Bright Eyes and get him back into a good place.

I was able to go up to a friend who had previously offered to come and play with Bright Eyes and say "I need you!" She came around that afternoon, and then again on Tuesday and spent an hour playing with him.

That afternoon I got a phone call from someone who noticed I was not ok and who offered a meal. She's a great cook, and I accepted right away! Later, there was another phone call offering babysitting.

Nicest of all was my husband who was due to go on a three-day conference on Monday. The attraction was a famous speaker from the US. He gave it up and stayed home with us just to make sure we'd all be ok and stay sane!

I'm pleased to say that Bright Eyes is much calmer now and is back to his more pleasant little self.

Back to the bad old days...

2008-08-26T05:48:00.000-07:00

I haven't seen Bright Eyes this stressed for weeks. He has had two very bad days and is bossing and yelling and tantruming like crazy. It's not exactly fun, but it does make me realise how far things had come. Hopefully we can get back there again relatively quickly.

What's made the difference?

Possibly birthday party stress. We had two in a week (his and his sister's), plus presents, plus people in the house and lots of excitement. Also, straight after the second party, he left to spend the weekend with Grandma. He spent two nights with her and I think being on his best behaviour and away from his normal routine left him pretty tired.

I hope we can soothe him down soon. He's not fun to be with right now and the other children are feeling the tension too.

One thing I did notice while he was away was how light I was without the responsibility and guilt I usually feel when he's in the house. I seem to worry all the time that I'm not doing enough, not spending enough time with him, not giving him everything I could possibly give him to help him improve. Somehow I need to work on being more free of guilt yet still doing what I need to.

Playtime or bedtime?

2008-08-18T14:30:00.000-07:00

RDI and homeschooling have made me a lot less finicky about keeping the rules compared to seeing the bigger picture.

For example, late last night, both boys were still awake. Normally I try to get them to play quietly in their rooms (their body clocks are not set to going to sleep at 7 any more and haven't been for ages) but they had kind of migrated to the lounge room.

I said to AP: "I must go and put the boys to bed or put them back in their rooms."

But he could see what was going on, and said, "Hang on - you should see the game they are playing together. They are actually relating really well and playing in a coordinated way."

I had a look and it was true. Somehow, after a day of hitting each other, they had reached a happy point together and were running around together, getting into 'boats', rescuing each other and generally having a happy game.

I decided the bigger picture was more important. improving Bright Eyes' relationship skills, and helping the two boys to build a happy relationship together was more important than making them be quiet in their rooms.

We left them for another 20 minutes and they didn't falter in their coordination once. It was a delight to see (another answer to prayer) and I'm sure it has helped build memories of happy play with each other.

And tonight...

2008-08-17T05:14:00.000-07:00

...as I said goodnight to the boys, I hugged Bright Eyes and said to him, "You're so squashy. I love you."

He said (slightly indistinctly), "I huvo too."

"What was that?" I asked, not willing to get too excited.

"I love you too," he said.

That's the first time he's ever told me he loves me! Yeah baby!

And just for the fun of it, I said later in the evening, "I love you buddy."

"I love you too."

Birthday party success

2008-08-15T20:38:00.000-07:00

birthday cake!

cutting the cake together

playing on the roundabout. Bright eyes in the middle.

We had a great little party for Bright Eyes today. It was held at a local park with a great roundabout. The sun shone, and we had a good time even despite the wind (which blew one whole bunch of my balloons away...).

Bright Eyes played with the children who came. We didn't have any games - just gross motor activity on the play equipment. He was great about sharing the roundabout and wanted everyone to get on and have a go together. He accepted presents and said thank you. He cut his cake and blew out his candles. He didn't complain at any point (even when the balloons flew away) and the only tears were because he fell over once, but they quickly passed. In fact, the only crying child I had was the youngest one who was jealous of everyone playing with his big sister.

It was a real success and I'm a very happy mother!

Two other pieces of progress today: he actually PUT ON HIS COAT to play. He has not put that coat on voluntarily for me for a year and a half. He started to protest, but realised it would actually make him warmer and on it went. Also - he is currently sitting happily in the bath. I got him in there merely by pointing out how grubby he was, and how he could take Brum in the bath with him. He said, "Can I have it warm?" and went straight into the bathroom. No manhandling, no carrying, no protests. Wow!!!

Birthday

2008-08-13T05:09:00.000-07:00

Bright Eyes is about to turn 5.

He definitely knows what's going on this year. We're having a party at a park, with a Thomas cake and balloons. He knows that he's getting presents, and he has strong ideas about what should be in them!

Grandma sent him a lovely little bridge for his train set, so I got him on the phone to say thank you.

He held the phone and said, "Oh, Grandma. Now I need James, Henry and Edward trains."

Lots of little good things...

2008-08-13T05:02:00.001-07:00

This week has been pretty good. I've seen slow but steady progress in his comprehension and resilience.

In no particular order, a few things I enjoyed were:

- he helped me paint the roof of his engine shed. He did quite a good job too, looking for the bits which were still white and needed to be covered in red.

- another good day at preschool.

- playing quite nicely with little brother quite frequently.

- he got really excited about our recent bedroom rearrangement. He now has his own room, with his name on the door, lots of space for his trains and a little table and chairs for him to sit at. He's loved it and it has made our evenings a lot more peaceful as he's hung out there rather than in the lounge room.

- he was really into the drama (David and Goliath) at church last week. We have the good fortune to have a 6ft 9" man with amusing acting skills in our congregation. When he's dressed up in cardboard armour, he's pretty imposing and Bright Eyes was saying, "Don't let him get me!"

- he has turned off the TV himself, and left the computer by himself to come to the dinner table.

- he really wants to play with us all the time. He's always inviting us to come play with him. It's fun.

- We were playing trains one day and I decided to make it into a game where the trains became farm animals. Thomas was the farmer, Emily was a sheep etc. At first he wasn't into it and stayed literal and said, "No, it's a train," but he got the idea quickly and got into it. I don't think I've ever played imaginary farms with train characters before! We changed the trains into sharks and whales, helicopters and aeroplanes and cars. It was good fun and we had some great connection.

Today's miracle...

2008-08-07T00:24:00.001-07:00

... was that Bright Eyes has been to preschool without crying or protesting - two days in a row.

Wow!

Small miracles

2008-08-03T03:27:00.000-07:00

Today's beginning answer to our prayers is that Bright Eyes watched TV without yelping! For the last four weeks he has been making intense little noises whenever he gets in front of a screen. We prayed about it on Friday night, and today he was yelp-free.

Prayer

2008-08-02T14:04:00.000-07:00

We had a memorable night of prayer for Bright Eyes last week. 30 friends gathered in our home to share food and pray specifically for his healing. Glenys asked me to post my prayer on the blog, so here it is.

Dear God,

I’m here tonight, with all these people, with some very specific requests to make of you.

If Jesus was walking around somewhere in body form, I’d be one of the visiting mothers bringing her sick child to you. I would go around the world just to find you and ask you to heal my son because I know that you can.

These are the things I know about you: You are kind. You are compassionate. You take time for people. You are powerful. You can heal. You have healed. You heal people today. If you were standing here in the body, I’d be on my knees before you, holding out my child and saying, “Please, please heal his brain. Please heal his body.” In fact, I wouldn’t be asking, I’d be begging.

Lord, these are the things the autism does to him. He can’t cope with changes. He throws tantrums over small things. He bosses. He speaks in scripts. He obsesses over toys and tv shows. It is really hard for his brother and sister to relate to him. Unless he is healed he won’t be able to live independently. He won’t have any friends. He won’t be able to relate to people. Lord, his body can’t process food properly. He won’t eat properly. He lacks good nutrition.

Please – please heal his brain. Remove the autism. Create the connections in the brain that he needs. Take away his anxiety.

Lord, I know what you are teaching me through the autism. I know that you have been teaching me to love other people. I know that you have given me patience out of all of this. I know that you have given me an empathy with suffering people that I did not have before. I want to say thank you – a genuine thank you for these things. You have brought good out of evil. I know I still have a lot to learn, but I think I can now learn them without autism.

Now I’m asking you to heal him.

For his own sake. For the children’s sake too. You know how they are both suffering because of the autism and the anxiety. Please heal this child and give the other two a faith which can move mountains because of what you’ve done.

And please heal him for my sake. I’m tired. It’s only been three years really, but it’s been every day for three years where I just haven’t known what to do, or how to do it, or how to get on with him. It’s been a grind many many days. I do feel desperate so often.

And please heal him for the sake of all the people around him – the local community and his friends and teachers and contacts. I would love to say, “We prayed and God healed him in answer to our prayers. God is good!” What a testimony that would be. For your sake please heal this child.

I know you’re hearing me. I’m really asking you to do a big thing here – although it’s small for you. Please would you do it. And, I’m going to really stick my neck out here and ask you to do it fast. Make the change as big as possible in as short a time as possible. That’s what you did so often for the people who came to jesus.

Finally – Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.

I organised this meeting because of Jesus’ words: this kind can only come out by prayer.

Amen.

Cats...

2008-07-29T04:52:00.000-07:00

... are helping Bright Eyes to be a good apprentice at the moment.

We have a lovely game where we pretend to be cats and meeow a whole lot. It's an easy step to then 'clean up the cat room together' or 'vacuum the cat couch'. It helps him get out of the car or come in the door if he's pretending to be a cat. Sometimes all I have to do is open the door and meeow a few times and out he'll hop!

Painting

2008-07-29T04:48:00.000-07:00

Bright Eyes' fine motor skills are so poor and he feels so inadequate to pick up a paintbrush or crayon that he avoids it with everything he's got.

Recently he's been keen to paint his trains though, so I've pulled out the brushes and paints whenever he talks about it.

Today we actually spent two minutes colouring in a picture together. He was on my knee and we were holding the crayons together, but at one point he showed enthusiasm and actually changed the position of the crayon and used it himself.

It's slow, but we're going places!

Healing

2008-07-23T14:59:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking a LOT about healing and prayer at the moment. I'm having a prayer meeting for Bright Eyes next week and I'm going to specifically ask God to heal all his neurological difficulties and his anxiety.

It's kind of scary. I have a few 'what if's?' floating around in my mind.

What if God doesn't heal him? Sometimes I'm not sure I'm up for more of the marathon of remediation (although I know I will be... it's just hard). Will I be really angry with God? What will it do for his sister's faith? Can we afford to pay the costs (both financial and costs to our family life) of autism long term?

What if God does heal him? Will I tell it far and wide and then feel like I'm boasting? Why would he heal my child and not the other 10 children I know with ASD? Would I suddenly have a ministry of healing?

Here's the way I'm approaching the whole thing.
- I'm asking God to do it so the healing doesn't depend on my amount of faith.
- I'm praying very specifically.
- I'm getting our whole church community to ask with me (more than two or three!)
- I've read all the Mark passages where Jesus healed and I'm studying the requests and the reactions of those healed, as well as what Jesus said to them.
- in the weeks leading up to this, I've been letting God know what I'd like him to do and what's coming (as if he didnt know anyway!)

Apprentice

2008-07-15T14:47:00.000-07:00

Bright eyes has stepped up to become quite a good little apprentice in recent weeks. I have really noticed him enjoying doing things with me. Some examples: we took the bins out together and he helped me take the clothes off the line the other day. He has been inviting us to play constantly.

It's a good change. I was getting concerned that even though we were seeing lots of good contact with our RDI program, he was still operating on his own.

Since our holiday, he has been eating normal food and doesn't seem to be suffering any adverse effects. This is also a good step forward. Of course, he still doesn't actually like anything except Vegemite sandwiches...

Our new challenge is his habit of yelping while he watches TV. It's incredibly distracting, but there is nothing we can do about it.

Photos

2008-07-08T04:00:00.001-07:00

If you're interested in some of our recent holiday snaps, click here.

My birthday wish...

2008-07-08T03:47:00.000-07:00

You’re invited to help celebrate Cecily’s birthday
in a very special way!

No presents please! Here’s why...

The best birthday present anyone could give Cecily would be healing for Bright Eyes from his anxiety and autism, so we’re inviting you to join with us for a prayer time. We’ll be specifically asking God for healing and neurological health for him.

If you're in the area, join us on Friday 1 August at our place at 6pm for a light dinner of soup and buns and birthday cake and pray from 7 to 7.45.

RSVP by the Tuesday 29th July for catering. If you can't come, you're welcome to join us 'in spirit' at the same time!

Feeling good

2008-07-06T03:07:00.000-07:00

We've just returned from a week away with the family.

It was an interesting time. At the beginning of the week our relationship with bright eyes was seriously under strain. He just couldn't cope with the travel to Canberra and the touristy things we wanted to do.

I really felt depressed after this. It all just seemed too hard.

However once we settled down at a beach house things recovered. I even had one of the most exciting times ever with him. This was our conversation:

Him: "What are you feeling mum?"
Me: "I'm feeling a bit sad."
Him: "You cannot feel sad. You have to feel better."
Me: "I might feel better if I have a hug."
He comes over to give me a hug.

And if that wasn't enough, five minutes later he said again, "what are you feeling now mum?"

He has never before asked how I'm feeling or why or even seemed to notice what my emotional state is. Very exciting.

Sleepover

2008-06-29T05:26:00.000-07:00

Bright Eyes had his first sleepover at his grandma's place this weekend - all by himself. He had a good time, ate bacon and chips, went to Sunday school with Grandma and played at the park.

Frankly, it was nice to have the break, although we did miss him.

We're working on a whole lot of new stage 4 RDI objectives. I've printed them out and will try to focus on them while we're away for our week's holiday.

A lot of it will be me and hubby modelling the fact that we have internal thoughts which govern our actions. So we'll be thinking 'out loud' for a few weeks.

Just up and down

2008-06-21T22:50:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging much recently. Bright Eyes keeps making small gains, but then has bad days where he consistently scripts and runs videos through his head.

Right now he's in the bath with his sister. It's the first time he's been washed in at least three weeks. I tricked him into getting in and now he won't get out...

Church is not fun with him. He just can't sit still, he's not interested in the story and he'd rather be climbing in and out of cupboards or going through my bag to see what I have to eat. I do find Sundays hard.

I still think RDI is great. We watched another lecture by Dr. Gutstein on the RDI site the other day. We keep learning more about autism and about remediation. One day I'll be really organized and try to put a summary of some of this up.

Gorgeous

2008-06-14T04:42:00.000-07:00

Oh, he is being so gorgeous this week. We had a lovely time tonight looking through a book of trains and commenting on them all. He's really starting to use head gestures - nodding for yes and shaking for no. It's wonderful.

I'm a happy mummy tonight.

Updates

2008-06-10T03:41:00.001-07:00

Clothes
Unfortunately I wasn't able to take a picture of this, but Bright Eyes actually put on.... wait for it... a pair of jeans yesterday.

For two years he has refused to wear anything but track pants, even in summer. Getting him into undies was a tomasha. But here we are and he's happy to wear jeans!

His little baby brother proudly announced, "I got jeans!" to me yesterday. Not to be outdone, Bright Eyes said, "I want jeans too." It was handy that I happened to have a pair just his size in the cupboard.

Food
I decided I'd give him a go with some gluten as he's now been GF/CF for a year and a half. At first he was a little bit reluctant to try a sandwich ("it'll make me sick") but then he chowed it down. Unfortunately after two days with a lot of bread, he had quite a bad tummy ache and bowel movements, so we'll stick with the GF for now, with gluten allowed on special occasions like parties etc.

Scripts
Still scripting constantly and driving us all nuts. However, we are seriously embracing 'ipod therapy' on the advice of our consultant. It seems to have made a small difference after a couple of days.

Kisses

2008-05-29T04:46:00.000-07:00

Up until this week, I have never had a kiss from my little boy. But that has changed and today we were playing 'kisses on cheeks' together. Gorgeous!

'Can I play with you guys?'

2008-05-28T05:37:00.001-07:00

This is what Bright Eyes yelled enthusiastically to his sister and her friend as he ran outside this afternoon. What a delight! I don't think he's ever said that before.

He keeps asking me "What does that mean? What does this mean?" When it gets too much for me, I push it back at him with an obvious one like, "What does book mean?" He looks at me and grins. "Something to read!"

I'm vaguely interested in kinesiology and its therapeutic value for autism. Might look into it.

Today

2008-05-21T05:13:00.000-07:00

Preschool was much better today.

Apparently he settled himself, spent time with the children instead of apart from them, sat in a new spot at lunch and commented on the fact that he had the same sandwich as one of the other kids, and had no objections to doing activities and taking part. Yay! This is great.

Chat chat chat
With his constant rubbish-talk, I've gone to ignoring and humming when he tries to engage me in it. If he asks a real question or makes a statement or tries to look me in the face, I respond straight away.

It seems to have made a difference today. After a few unsuccessful attempts at making me answer questions about a TV show, he gave up and went elsewhere.

Try again tomorrow.

Talking

2008-05-20T04:32:00.001-07:00

My dear sweet boy just WILL NOT SHUT UP!

Boy, he can talk the back leg off a donkey. Most of it is rubbish, sadly. Occasionally we have a good exchange.

A lot of it today is "What does this mean? What does that mean?" He does seem to understand the answers, so I'm happy about that, but honestly... it just doesn't stop. I'm going crazy quickly!

A dialogue about autism. Broken or not?

2008-05-18T03:01:00.000-07:00

I belong to a yahoo group about parenting. Something that came up recently about whether it's good or not to have a diagnosis for a child with probable autism. I wrote that I thought a diagnosis was helpful. Here's some of the ensuing conversation.

Questioner: “I understand where you're coming from; and if that's what it *takes*, then fine. But did you need a diagnosis for that? Wasn't it obvious that he thought differently?”

Me: Yes, it was incredibly obvious! That’s not what I needed the diagnosis for. I needed it because I didn’t understand just how his thinking was different.

Having the words ‘autistic spectrum disorder’ gave me a handle to go and do some research and find out exactly what the characteristics of ASD. For example: he screamed a whole lot for a year or more. So I needed to know what was behind that. Is it a characteristic of ASD that he needs to do something with his voice, or is it that he not handling the uncertainty and thus is expressing his anxiety? (FYI it’s the anxiety).

Is that not true of every single person on the planet? No two people's brains function in the same way. I think a lot of parents assume their kids will "think" like them/act like them/BE like them. But they aren't little "us's"---they are completely and amazingly NOT "us's". (that's hard to figure out: us's? uses? usses? grammatically, it would be we's or wees Making up plural words here. )If we look at our children as different, from the beginning...and forever, we can understand them *all* better and work on finding a way through with a better attitude.I mean: it's *not* just aspie/autistic kids that should get this gift! All children have brains that function in different ways, and certainly not all need diagnoses!

Absolutely. No one is the same. You just have to do one of those personality tests to see that you can quantify the obvious – In the Myers Briggs scheme I’m an INFJ – my husband is ENFP. It’s helpful to us to be able to understand each other better so that we don’t fall into the easy pit of thinking his messiness is laziness, or my organisational skills are arrogance.

My daughter is very different from me. She needs heaps more friends around than I do. She hates dancing, whereas I would have given my right arm to do ballet lessons (although on second thought that wouldn’t have done my ballet skills much good...)

However, with all our differences though, there are basic similarities in human child development. Eg. We expect every child to walk (eventually), unless they are missing their feet or have some muscular difficulty etc. We expect every child to use the toilet eventually unless they have some bladder issue etc.

The things that are missing from the development in autistic children are the things we don’t even think about like – responding to and being able to use: facial signals, tone of voice, gestures, following gaze to find something, following a point. Most of the non-verbal relationship skills that babies under 18 months develop automatically, autistic kids lack. Why do they lack them? Because for whatever reason, their brains are not connecting in normal ways.

My biggest issue with the aspie/autistic stuff is how much is being tried to FIX these kids. They are not broken. They just Are Who They Are. We can choose to work WITH them or we can choose to try to FIX them. Working WITH them will have such sweeter benefits!

There are a few things to say. Firstly, numbers of ASD children has increased greatly in the last 20 years, such that they now say that 1 in 160 children is ‘on the spectrum’. Of course, levels of intensity vary greatly. So someone has to ask the question: why is this? And how can we stop the increase?

Secondly, if you want to use the word ‘broken’, I think they are broken – in the same way that if your kid had a problem walking at the age of 10, you could consider something ‘broken’. ‘Broken’ only refers to not being the same as the majority – the same as what we would consider normal/usual.

I’m not saying there’s anything bad or wrong with being broken. Just that whatever it is is not working as well as one would expect, given the regular state of the world. And if you can do something about it, why wouldn’t you?

Why do we do surgery on club feet and hare lips? Why do we find ways to balance body chemistry of children with diabetes? Because ‘fixing’ these things helps the children who have them work in the way most others work and relate to others better.

Autism looks a little bit different because you can’t see a physical difference, and it’s not life-threatening in general. But I would argue that relationships are the key to a happy and fulfilled and joyful life. And if someone is lacking those basic relationship skills because their brain has not had the opportunity to get ‘wired’ in that way, why wouldn’t you want to do something about it if you could?

The limited research that has been done on autistic (mostly Aspergers) adults (three major studies) shows that only about 10-20% are able to hold down a regular job. Less than 10% have a friend or intimate relationship. Less than 6% live independently. Over 80% suffer depression and other mental health issues. It’s not a great scenario for an autistic kid. But if you can do something to help that kid live a happy and joyful and relationship filled life, why wouldn’t you?

Thirdly, frankly, my child did need ‘fixing’. There are different ways ASD affects people, but when my child was diagnosed at 3, he had screamed all day every day for months. He couldn’t go in or out of a doorway without screaming. Noone could look at him without him screaming. He couldn’t understand a simple concept like “we’ll have that later”. He couldn’t answer a question or make a simple choice without screaming. He didn’t have one child he liked or played with. He could speak, but he would only recite scripts from TV shows. He talked about Thomas the Tank Engine all day (when he wasn’t screaming). He was visibly anxious and unhappy. He needed help – more help than I knew how to give.

One simple thing was changing his diet to exclude gluten and casein. Within three weeks he was happier, brighter, more connected. It made a big difference. Starting RDI therapy made another big difference. He still has a long way to go to building his relationship skills, but he’s well on the way and he’s absolutely gorgeous and adorable. I love him to bits.

Homeopath

2008-05-16T04:50:00.001-07:00

I visited our homeopath today for our monthly to six-weekly checkup. After having seen a good jump forward followed by steady upward progress with the most recent remedy she has decided to change the medicine and try for another acceleration.

I'll pick up the remedy tomorrow and give it a go.

Bed

2008-05-15T05:13:00.000-07:00

Bedtimes have been a nightmare for Bright Eyes in the last few months. I say a nightmare for him. I really mean a nightmare for us.

Before daylight saving started last October, he would crack off to sleep about 7.30 pretty easily every night.

When the switch happened and 7.30 became 8.30, I could not get his body clock to move. In fact, he began to go to sleep later and later until for the last four or five months he's been getting to sleep between 10 and 11 every night.

He's been the proverbial camel in the tent in this period. First he wanted this, and we'd give it to him to keep the peace and allow us to enjoy our evening. Then he wanted that. And that, and this and that and a bit more of that over there.

With his bedtimes in a strange pattern, his little brother was not going to be sent to bed happily, and he also has been staying up and up and up. His day-naps have had something to do with this.

Anyway, to make a long story short, tonight was the first night of my new routine. At 8, we 'shut the house down' and pretended we were all going to sleep. There was nothing else interesting to look at or do. I lay in the room with both boys until they went to sleep (on the floor!). The baby took about 45 minutes. Bright Eyes took 1 hr and 45!

My aim is to spend the next three weeks or so making it comfortable and comforting to go to sleep in the dark with the door shut and gradually move myself out. I'll also be waking him up earlier so he's more tired at night.

Preschool

2008-05-14T02:35:00.000-07:00

Happily, Bright Eyes went off to preschool with no hiccups this morning - and apparently had a great day.

He's being quite helpful when he's motivated to be in a task. eg. if he wants a drink, he'll get out the juice and the cup for me.

He seems to have taken a step up in language and understanding today. He was literally 'bright eyed' all afternoon. He was ultra-keen to talk on the phone to his grandma. Lovely!

Carrots

2008-05-13T01:32:00.001-07:00

Yes, Bright Eyes actually ate some microscopic pieces of carrot tonight. Probably the first vegetable he has eaten in 3 years. It's a cause for mild rejoicing.

Of course, there was a down-side - it was on a regular piece of pizza. But tomorrow night there will be GF/CF pizza on the table for him ... with carrots!!!

But on a good day...

2008-05-12T02:33:00.001-07:00

... this is more what you get. Here he is with his new skates on. Notice he's holding on pretty tight! I've just got myself a pair so we should be able to put them on together.

On a bad day...

2008-05-12T02:30:00.000-07:00

When Bright Eyes has a bad day, he often looks like this. His face is slightly swollen, his eyes seem bleary. He's certainly not 'bright'. I wonder what makes this happen - I wish I had more answers and solutions without having to go on extreme diets. GF/CF is bad enough.

Today...

2008-05-10T18:54:00.000-07:00

...having an autistic son is incredibly, incredibly depressing. It's far easier to put him in front of the DVD than to interact with him.

Prayer updates

2008-05-08T16:27:00.000-07:00

I sent this out yesterday to our group of prayer supporters.

Dear gorgeous amazing friends and family who pray for Bright Eyes,

It’s been a while between prayer updates. One reason is that I managed to give myself RSI from... no, not sport or anything sensible... but knitting! I’m now able to type a little more, but this will be short!

I asked you to pray for his relationship with his sister. The day after I sent the email out, he stopped yelling at her and hasn’t done it since. It’s definitely improved their rapport! Thanks to God. Unfortunately things with his brother are still not fabulous, but I do notice less physical bullying and more pleasant playing in general.

This month I’m asking you to pray for the following (neatly packaged into three R’s. Even if you don’t get the RDI lingo, God knows, so just say the words and he’ll get it! (: )

- Both husband and I keep having to refocus on our RDI objectives. It’s an ongoing challenge for us. Pray that we’ll be creative and persevere every day in guiding Bright Eyes.

- Bright Eyes needs to develop more resilience in things that we want him to do.

- We are working on developing more relationship through our facial expressions. Pray that he’ll ‘be with us’ and connect using his face.

Thanks guys. Your prayers really do have effect. We certainly appreciate it.

Back to non-verbals

2008-05-06T05:39:00.000-07:00

It's a bit of a cycle. We start out being non-verbal with Bright Eyes to combat his scripting and static behaviours. He improves dramatically in just a few days, and then it seems easier to go back to language with him. Over time, he reverts back to the scripts and we find ourselves going crazy again. We ring our consultant. She says, "Go non-verbal", so we do, and he improves... etc etc.

The best advice I can give anyone with an autistic child is to stop talking! Focus on facial expressions, gestures and tone. It really works!

Having fun

2008-05-02T15:03:00.001-07:00

Back briefly... my arms are improving.

Bright Eyes has been loving his new roller skates. I bought them with some for his sister as well, so the two of them are connecting over stumbles, trips and fall-overs. It's great fun.

He's improving in his recognition of facial expressions - that's what we're working on in RDI. We have nice little exchanges of glance and meaning. It's still a bit 'over the top' but the subtleties will come.

Taking a little break

2008-04-14T05:59:00.000-07:00

I'm closing down for a few weeks while I recover from my RSI - brought on by.... knitting. How embarrassing.

Bright Eyes is doing well. His latest love is playing marble blast on the computer! He's also enjoying dressing up in his spiderman outfit.

And tonight, hooray hooray, he sat down at the table with us all to do 'journal time'. He glued in a photo of himself getting his face painted and even picked up a pen and fiddled with it on the page. Yay!

nice things

2008-04-11T02:30:00.000-07:00

How cute today to see Bright Eyes holding his little brother's hand as we walked to school to pick up his sister.

How funny to hear him chastise his dad at the dinner table for burping. "Dad, that's disgusting!" He's normally the one letting out gas!

How great to see him cope really well in lab time with me bugging the heck out of him as we played a 'monster' game. We're practising building resilience and flexible thinking so that he can cope with things that aren't perfect. So far so good!

Thank you

2008-04-11T02:26:00.000-07:00

I would like to publicly and thankfully acknowledge the generosity of so many people in Bright Eyes' life.

There are many who give their love, acceptance and friendship to him, and to us with him.

There are many others who show their concern and commitment in praying regularly for him - and for us.

Then there are three particular lots of people who give generous amounts of their money to help us pay for the RDI therapy that is making such a difference in his life. Thank you to my parents, my grandfather, and now our next door neighbours!

You all help so much. We couldn't do it without you. Praise God for you!

You've got to get worse before you get better

2008-04-04T01:53:00.000-07:00

If you'd asked me two days ago how Bright Eyes was going, I would have been despondent and depressed. He was yelling, angry and scripting madly.

The past 48 hours, however, have been a very different story. Today I had a much brighter eyed (literally) little boy, who was enjoying interacting with me and communicating much more dynamically than before. His understanding has gone up a notch as well.

We had this lovely conversation this morning:

Him: "Can animals go in the bus?"
Me: "Well, I don't think a giraffe could go in a bus. It's too big! It wouldn't fit."
Him: (thinking) "A baby giraffe fits."
Me: "Yep. A baby giraffe is much smaller. It could go in the bus."
Him: "And a dog. And a cat. They fits."
Me: "What about a bear? Do you think that would fit?"
Him: "No!!! A baby bear can go in."

That, my friends, is a great example of dynamic communication! Yay yay yay!

So what's changed? I'm not very sure, but I think it's down to a few things:
- prayer support
- wearing off the effects of Easter chocolate
- new homeopathic dose taking effect
- getting rid of clocks and Thomas

One of these? Or a combination? Who knows!!!

Poor me

2008-04-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Bright Eyes had a great morning, and a rotten afternoon. Something triggered off his anger - maybe he was tired*? - but he just spent the afternoon yelling at everything and everyone.

One of the things I find most difficult about him is the lack of 'prosody' in his voice. He is not able to fine tune his tone, pitch, expressions or volume. It's either on or off. And when it's on, it's loud and really really annoying.

I feel guilty about not liking his voice, and yesterday I lost it with him several times. Of course, this does absolutely nothing to help anybody. It makes him louder and angrier and gives me a sore throat and more work to do to calm everything down.

I was feeling very sorry for myself and rang my mum, whose first words were, "Oh, darling, you poor thing. I feel so sorry for you." Aaaah. With that, I could breathe again, and felt ever so much better. Thanks Mum!

*I think he probably was tired. He's been getting to sleep about 10.30pm and sleeping in until 9 for the last two months or so. But last night I couldn't believe that he was conked out at 8.30!!!

Preschool

2008-03-28T01:06:00.000-07:00

Following my last post about Bright Eyes' not being happy to go to preschool...

This week the teacher of his class made him a fantastic folder, with about 10 pages full of photographs of Bright Eyes participating happily in games and play at preschool.

I popped it on the table at his seat for breakfast on the preschool day and he enjoyed looking at it. I could see his emotional memory show up on his face as he recalled events and feelings.

It was a great idea, and I think it made a difference that day! We'll try again next week and see what happens.

More on dynamic/static skills

2008-03-26T03:32:00.000-07:00

Here is a list of different types of thinking, sorted under three topics, thinking, social and self, and divided into static intelligence and dynamic intelligence. It's pinched from Dr Steven Gutstein's RDI program e-learning module!

Thinking and problem solving
Static intelligence (Things Bright Eyes is good at and learns relatively easily. Associated with autism.)

Associative
Black and white
Details analysis
Parts to whole
Rule based thinking
procedural

Dynamic intelligence (Also considered ‘universal deficits’ of autism. He doesn’t have these naturally and needs to focus on them.)

Alternative thinking
Good-enough thinking
Critical analysis
Grey area thinking
Improvisational
What-if? Thinking
Reflection
Simultaneous processing

Social and communication
Static intelligence

Desire
Language
Questioning
Requesting, responding
Scripting
Social rules

Dynamic intelligence (Also considered ‘universal deficits’ of autism. He doesn’t have these naturally and needs to focus on them.)

Collaborating
Co-creating
Empathizing
Multi-channel communication
Perspective taking
Regulating and repairing

Self
Static intelligence
Compliance
Self-description
Self-recognition
Needs
Desires
preferences

Dynamic intelligence(Also considered ‘universal deficits’ of autism. He doesn’t have these naturally and needs to focus on them.

Emotional regulation
Goal setting
Planning, preparing, previewing
Self-efficacy, resilience
Self-evaluating
Trouble-shooting

Dynamic versus static thinking

2008-03-26T03:21:00.000-07:00

We're doing some more RDI learning from the website. The latest topic is the difference between static intelligence and dynamic intelligence.

Static intelligence is what you know, and how you are able to apply that in a static situation.

Dynamic intelligence is what you know, and how you are able to apply that in an ever-changing, messy world where real-life problems are never as simple as IQ test questions.

For example: static intelligence is when you know a whole lot of big words and what they mean. Dynamic intelligence is knowing the words, but also knowing how to use them. It's also being able to guage whether an audience will understand them if you're standing up to give a presentation, or whether they will think you are pretentious and snobby for using them.

Dynamic intelligence is juggling context, meaning, emotions, culture, expectations and desires, needs and wants when answering a question. Does 2 + 2 always equal 4? In a static system, of course it does. In a dynamic system, it might not, if we're pretending in a fabulous game that 2s are really 3s in magic maths land. Or if we're speaking in metaphors and discussing the fact that life has a lot of grey areas for which there are no definitive answers.

Many people are impressed by Bright Eyes' static skills - the fact that he can spell and read, and count in 1s, 10s and 100s, and can name all the colours and shapes, and (of course) knows the numbers and colours and names of all the Thomas the Tank Engine characters.

Unfortunately, these things do not help him to solve messy, real world problems. They do not help him to decide how to find his way through problems and dilemmas. They do not help him negotiate personal relationships.

RDI aims to treat the dynamic intelligence deficits that all autistic people face. Because those skills are what you need to live a meaningful life.

Prayer answers

2008-03-25T02:15:00.000-07:00

Oh, and I'd just like to say, in relation to our latest prayer points, that he hasn't yelled at his sister since!

He used to say, "Now! Right now! Stop that!" at her, whether it was she who had upset him or not.

Now he says, "Can we stir the boys?" ????!

I don't know where it came from, but for now it takes the heat off his sister, so I can live with that.

SCRIPTS!!! AAGGHH!

2008-03-25T02:07:00.000-07:00

This morning Bright Eyes woke up with these words on his lips, "Gordon the big engine pushed and pulled Thomas the small blue Tank Engine."

And that was it for the rest of the day. It was Thomas, Thomas, Thomas. Scripting from stories, asking questions about them (rhetorical questions that he knows the answers to), relating everything back to a stupid little blue engine. I wish Rev Awdry had kept his train mania to himself all those years ago!

In between talking about Thomas, he was checking our digital clocks and informing me every few minutes of what the time was. He particularly likes times like 10:10 and 11:11 and I think I heard all of them from 9:09am onwards.

Our consultant's advice for scripts: remove everything that triggers them. That means hiding: the trains, videos, pictures, puzzles and books about Thomas. It also means restricting his computer time for the next little while.

At first, I didn't want to do this. But it has become so bad that it's a necessity. The trains are even taking over Easter. Apparently Jesus didn't die on the cross - he died on the track, and lives in a train. Hmmm....

My first step today was to cover all the digital clocks. It certainly has gotten rid of the persistent time-telling, although he did lie in the bedroom beating his feet against the floor yelling, "Numbers, Numbers! Numbers!" for a few minutes.

Tomorrow I'll have to go out and find a non-ticking clock with hands so I can actually tell the time (or maybe just get my watch fixed...)

Fun things.

2008-03-19T19:09:00.000-07:00

He's loving riding his bike with his sister in the evenings after dinner. The neighbours have commented on the 'delightful' noises from our backyard. Mostly...

Oh, and he can read! He sat down and read 'Peter and Jane' to me in full the other day - and not just by rote either.

preschool???

2008-03-19T19:06:00.000-07:00

Preschool. What am I going to do?

He is tired, tired, tired after a day there. And typically, backing up for the second day brings on tears in the morning. This morning he cried for 45 minutes before we left the house. I said goodbye and left him there, still in tears with the teacher.

Later when I rang, he was having a good morning, but she agreed that he had lost the spark for preschool that he had last year.

Our consultant thinks it might be better for his RDI if he doesn't go, but wants to make sure I get some respite from him. What I might try is to let him go a week without it and see if he's happy all week.

I just don't know.

Logic and connections

2008-03-18T02:05:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl, I truly believed that all dogs were male and all cats were female. It seemed impossible that you could get female dogs or male cats. I have never mentioned this to the children, so I was interested in this little exchange with Bright Eyes yesterday.

Him: "Do boys like dogs? Can they play with them?"
Me: "Girls like dogs too. All children can play with dogs if they want to."
Him: "No. Girls play with cats."