I haven't seen Bright Eyes this stressed for weeks. He has had two very bad days and is bossing and yelling and tantruming like crazy. It's not exactly fun, but it does make me realise how far things had come. Hopefully we can get back there again relatively quickly.
What's made the difference?
Possibly birthday party stress. We had two in a week (his and his sister's), plus presents, plus people in the house and lots of excitement. Also, straight after the second party, he left to spend the weekend with Grandma. He spent two nights with her and I think being on his best behaviour and away from his normal routine left him pretty tired.
I hope we can soothe him down soon. He's not fun to be with right now and the other children are feeling the tension too.
One thing I did notice while he was away was how light I was without the responsibility and guilt I usually feel when he's in the house. I seem to worry all the time that I'm not doing enough, not spending enough time with him, not giving him everything I could possibly give him to help him improve. Somehow I need to work on being more free of guilt yet still doing what I need to.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Playtime or bedtime?
RDI and homeschooling have made me a lot less finicky about keeping the rules compared to seeing the bigger picture.
For example, late last night, both boys were still awake. Normally I try to get them to play quietly in their rooms (their body clocks are not set to going to sleep at 7 any more and haven't been for ages) but they had kind of migrated to the lounge room.
I said to AP: "I must go and put the boys to bed or put them back in their rooms."
But he could see what was going on, and said, "Hang on - you should see the game they are playing together. They are actually relating really well and playing in a coordinated way."
I had a look and it was true. Somehow, after a day of hitting each other, they had reached a happy point together and were running around together, getting into 'boats', rescuing each other and generally having a happy game.
I decided the bigger picture was more important. improving Bright Eyes' relationship skills, and helping the two boys to build a happy relationship together was more important than making them be quiet in their rooms.
We left them for another 20 minutes and they didn't falter in their coordination once. It was a delight to see (another answer to prayer) and I'm sure it has helped build memories of happy play with each other.
For example, late last night, both boys were still awake. Normally I try to get them to play quietly in their rooms (their body clocks are not set to going to sleep at 7 any more and haven't been for ages) but they had kind of migrated to the lounge room.
I said to AP: "I must go and put the boys to bed or put them back in their rooms."
But he could see what was going on, and said, "Hang on - you should see the game they are playing together. They are actually relating really well and playing in a coordinated way."
I had a look and it was true. Somehow, after a day of hitting each other, they had reached a happy point together and were running around together, getting into 'boats', rescuing each other and generally having a happy game.
I decided the bigger picture was more important. improving Bright Eyes' relationship skills, and helping the two boys to build a happy relationship together was more important than making them be quiet in their rooms.
We left them for another 20 minutes and they didn't falter in their coordination once. It was a delight to see (another answer to prayer) and I'm sure it has helped build memories of happy play with each other.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
And tonight...
...as I said goodnight to the boys, I hugged Bright Eyes and said to him, "You're so squashy. I love you."
He said (slightly indistinctly), "I huvo too."
"What was that?" I asked, not willing to get too excited.
"I love you too," he said.
That's the first time he's ever told me he loves me! Yeah baby!
And just for the fun of it, I said later in the evening, "I love you buddy."
"I love you too."
He said (slightly indistinctly), "I huvo too."
"What was that?" I asked, not willing to get too excited.
"I love you too," he said.
That's the first time he's ever told me he loves me! Yeah baby!
And just for the fun of it, I said later in the evening, "I love you buddy."
"I love you too."
Friday, August 15, 2008
Birthday party success
cutting the cake together
playing on the roundabout. Bright eyes in the middle.
We had a great little party for Bright Eyes today. It was held at a local park with a great roundabout. The sun shone, and we had a good time even despite the wind (which blew one whole bunch of my balloons away...).
Bright Eyes played with the children who came. We didn't have any games - just gross motor activity on the play equipment. He was great about sharing the roundabout and wanted everyone to get on and have a go together. He accepted presents and said thank you. He cut his cake and blew out his candles. He didn't complain at any point (even when the balloons flew away) and the only tears were because he fell over once, but they quickly passed. In fact, the only crying child I had was the youngest one who was jealous of everyone playing with his big sister.
It was a real success and I'm a very happy mother!
Two other pieces of progress today: he actually PUT ON HIS COAT to play. He has not put that coat on voluntarily for me for a year and a half. He started to protest, but realised it would actually make him warmer and on it went. Also - he is currently sitting happily in the bath. I got him in there merely by pointing out how grubby he was, and how he could take Brum in the bath with him. He said, "Can I have it warm?" and went straight into the bathroom. No manhandling, no carrying, no protests. Wow!!!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Birthday
Bright Eyes is about to turn 5.
He definitely knows what's going on this year. We're having a party at a park, with a Thomas cake and balloons. He knows that he's getting presents, and he has strong ideas about what should be in them!
Grandma sent him a lovely little bridge for his train set, so I got him on the phone to say thank you.
He held the phone and said, "Oh, Grandma. Now I need James, Henry and Edward trains."
He definitely knows what's going on this year. We're having a party at a park, with a Thomas cake and balloons. He knows that he's getting presents, and he has strong ideas about what should be in them!
Grandma sent him a lovely little bridge for his train set, so I got him on the phone to say thank you.
He held the phone and said, "Oh, Grandma. Now I need James, Henry and Edward trains."
Lots of little good things...
This week has been pretty good. I've seen slow but steady progress in his comprehension and resilience.
In no particular order, a few things I enjoyed were:
- he helped me paint the roof of his engine shed. He did quite a good job too, looking for the bits which were still white and needed to be covered in red.
- another good day at preschool.
- playing quite nicely with little brother quite frequently.
- he got really excited about our recent bedroom rearrangement. He now has his own room, with his name on the door, lots of space for his trains and a little table and chairs for him to sit at. He's loved it and it has made our evenings a lot more peaceful as he's hung out there rather than in the lounge room.
- he was really into the drama (David and Goliath) at church last week. We have the good fortune to have a 6ft 9" man with amusing acting skills in our congregation. When he's dressed up in cardboard armour, he's pretty imposing and Bright Eyes was saying, "Don't let him get me!"
- he has turned off the TV himself, and left the computer by himself to come to the dinner table.
- he really wants to play with us all the time. He's always inviting us to come play with him. It's fun.
- We were playing trains one day and I decided to make it into a game where the trains became farm animals. Thomas was the farmer, Emily was a sheep etc. At first he wasn't into it and stayed literal and said, "No, it's a train," but he got the idea quickly and got into it. I don't think I've ever played imaginary farms with train characters before! We changed the trains into sharks and whales, helicopters and aeroplanes and cars. It was good fun and we had some great connection.
In no particular order, a few things I enjoyed were:
- he helped me paint the roof of his engine shed. He did quite a good job too, looking for the bits which were still white and needed to be covered in red.
- another good day at preschool.
- playing quite nicely with little brother quite frequently.
- he got really excited about our recent bedroom rearrangement. He now has his own room, with his name on the door, lots of space for his trains and a little table and chairs for him to sit at. He's loved it and it has made our evenings a lot more peaceful as he's hung out there rather than in the lounge room.
- he was really into the drama (David and Goliath) at church last week. We have the good fortune to have a 6ft 9" man with amusing acting skills in our congregation. When he's dressed up in cardboard armour, he's pretty imposing and Bright Eyes was saying, "Don't let him get me!"
- he has turned off the TV himself, and left the computer by himself to come to the dinner table.
- he really wants to play with us all the time. He's always inviting us to come play with him. It's fun.
- We were playing trains one day and I decided to make it into a game where the trains became farm animals. Thomas was the farmer, Emily was a sheep etc. At first he wasn't into it and stayed literal and said, "No, it's a train," but he got the idea quickly and got into it. I don't think I've ever played imaginary farms with train characters before! We changed the trains into sharks and whales, helicopters and aeroplanes and cars. It was good fun and we had some great connection.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Today's miracle...
... was that Bright Eyes has been to preschool without crying or protesting - two days in a row.
Wow!
Wow!
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Small miracles
Today's beginning answer to our prayers is that Bright Eyes watched TV without yelping! For the last four weeks he has been making intense little noises whenever he gets in front of a screen. We prayed about it on Friday night, and today he was yelp-free.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Prayer
We had a memorable night of prayer for Bright Eyes last week. 30 friends gathered in our home to share food and pray specifically for his healing. Glenys asked me to post my prayer on the blog, so here it is.
Dear God,
I’m here tonight, with all these people, with some very specific requests to make of you.
If Jesus was walking around somewhere in body form, I’d be one of the visiting mothers bringing her sick child to you. I would go around the world just to find you and ask you to heal my son because I know that you can.
These are the things I know about you: You are kind. You are compassionate. You take time for people. You are powerful. You can heal. You have healed. You heal people today. If you were standing here in the body, I’d be on my knees before you, holding out my child and saying, “Please, please heal his brain. Please heal his body.” In fact, I wouldn’t be asking, I’d be begging.
Lord, these are the things the autism does to him. He can’t cope with changes. He throws tantrums over small things. He bosses. He speaks in scripts. He obsesses over toys and tv shows. It is really hard for his brother and sister to relate to him. Unless he is healed he won’t be able to live independently. He won’t have any friends. He won’t be able to relate to people. Lord, his body can’t process food properly. He won’t eat properly. He lacks good nutrition.
Please – please heal his brain. Remove the autism. Create the connections in the brain that he needs. Take away his anxiety.
Lord, I know what you are teaching me through the autism. I know that you have been teaching me to love other people. I know that you have given me patience out of all of this. I know that you have given me an empathy with suffering people that I did not have before. I want to say thank you – a genuine thank you for these things. You have brought good out of evil. I know I still have a lot to learn, but I think I can now learn them without autism.
Now I’m asking you to heal him.
For his own sake. For the children’s sake too. You know how they are both suffering because of the autism and the anxiety. Please heal this child and give the other two a faith which can move mountains because of what you’ve done.
And please heal him for my sake. I’m tired. It’s only been three years really, but it’s been every day for three years where I just haven’t known what to do, or how to do it, or how to get on with him. It’s been a grind many many days. I do feel desperate so often.
And please heal him for the sake of all the people around him – the local community and his friends and teachers and contacts. I would love to say, “We prayed and God healed him in answer to our prayers. God is good!” What a testimony that would be. For your sake please heal this child.
I know you’re hearing me. I’m really asking you to do a big thing here – although it’s small for you. Please would you do it. And, I’m going to really stick my neck out here and ask you to do it fast. Make the change as big as possible in as short a time as possible. That’s what you did so often for the people who came to jesus.
Finally – Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.
I organised this meeting because of Jesus’ words: this kind can only come out by prayer.
Amen.
Dear God,
I’m here tonight, with all these people, with some very specific requests to make of you.
If Jesus was walking around somewhere in body form, I’d be one of the visiting mothers bringing her sick child to you. I would go around the world just to find you and ask you to heal my son because I know that you can.
These are the things I know about you: You are kind. You are compassionate. You take time for people. You are powerful. You can heal. You have healed. You heal people today. If you were standing here in the body, I’d be on my knees before you, holding out my child and saying, “Please, please heal his brain. Please heal his body.” In fact, I wouldn’t be asking, I’d be begging.
Lord, these are the things the autism does to him. He can’t cope with changes. He throws tantrums over small things. He bosses. He speaks in scripts. He obsesses over toys and tv shows. It is really hard for his brother and sister to relate to him. Unless he is healed he won’t be able to live independently. He won’t have any friends. He won’t be able to relate to people. Lord, his body can’t process food properly. He won’t eat properly. He lacks good nutrition.
Please – please heal his brain. Remove the autism. Create the connections in the brain that he needs. Take away his anxiety.
Lord, I know what you are teaching me through the autism. I know that you have been teaching me to love other people. I know that you have given me patience out of all of this. I know that you have given me an empathy with suffering people that I did not have before. I want to say thank you – a genuine thank you for these things. You have brought good out of evil. I know I still have a lot to learn, but I think I can now learn them without autism.
Now I’m asking you to heal him.
For his own sake. For the children’s sake too. You know how they are both suffering because of the autism and the anxiety. Please heal this child and give the other two a faith which can move mountains because of what you’ve done.
And please heal him for my sake. I’m tired. It’s only been three years really, but it’s been every day for three years where I just haven’t known what to do, or how to do it, or how to get on with him. It’s been a grind many many days. I do feel desperate so often.
And please heal him for the sake of all the people around him – the local community and his friends and teachers and contacts. I would love to say, “We prayed and God healed him in answer to our prayers. God is good!” What a testimony that would be. For your sake please heal this child.
I know you’re hearing me. I’m really asking you to do a big thing here – although it’s small for you. Please would you do it. And, I’m going to really stick my neck out here and ask you to do it fast. Make the change as big as possible in as short a time as possible. That’s what you did so often for the people who came to jesus.
Finally – Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.
I organised this meeting because of Jesus’ words: this kind can only come out by prayer.
Amen.
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