Journalling

My RDI task at the moment is journalling about working with Bright Eyes to cooperate and co-regulate.

Bright Eyes has been improving in his ability to be guided and to participate in a game or a task, as opposed to having to control it all the time.

We have really been enjoying having games with his Brum car and another one which I christened 'Sheridee'. It's a girl car apparently. They have been shopping, built garages, visited the beach and the snow, sailed in boats, pretended to be airplanes, gotten married to each other and generally had as full and interesting lives as is possible for small toy cars.

Bright Eyes continually invites us to participate with him, saying 'Want to play?' in a really sweet voice and full eye contact.

Today we made signs with the names Brum and Sheridee. I wrote their names in pencil, and gave him the fat texta to hold to trace over them. He wouldn't do it unless I had my hand very close to his on the pen, but the movement and the grip was all his. He seemed very proud of them at the end when I showed great excitement at the fact that he had written by himself.

We had a blow-out the other day on a walk around the lake. Bright Eyes decided to be the 'leader' and delegated his brother to being the 'follower'. His brother was unhappy about this and chased him to try to take over the 'leader' role. Fisticuffs ensued and I had to hold Bright Eyes back and say "That is not ok."

His brother took off, and Bright Eyes collapsed on the path. "I can't go. We have to go home. Home time. etc etc" in loud yells and screams. I sent the sister after the little one and got Bright Eyes up by noticing that he might get bitten by mosquitoes if he remained on the path. We walked along with him in varying states of unhappiness, but at least he was moving. It will be interesting to see if he can cope with not necessarily being the leader next time we try it.

A recent email from a friend who did some babysitting

Dear Cecily

Thought you might like to know that Bright Eyes really interacted well today with the kids and me! I think I told you he sat at the lunch table, waited till we were all there, and then said ‘George is my friend, and Amelia is Jemima’s friend’. A bit later when there was a lull in the conversation, he said “Sarah, I went ice skating and I had hot chippies (I think that’s what he called them) for lunch”. Also, we had a conversation then about whether he fell over, whether he got bruises, if he went roller skating.......

And like you suggested when he wanted a second apple iceblock, and I said that’s fine, but can you ask me with manners (which is exactly what I say to mine), and he did.

I have read your blog about Bright Eyes, and the past week at RDA (how full on). I was reflecting on what I knew of him when he first arrived here and where he is now, and although I know you see a long way to go, I also see a long way come. Please be encouraged, and encouraged to keep going.

TV free

So far so good on the no TV front. They don't seem to be missing it at all! The littlest one asked where it was and Bright Eyes said, "It grew arms and legs and walked away."

?????! Where did that come from?

RDA

RDA stands for Relationship Development Assessment which is a number of appointments spread out over five days with our RDI consultant. We look at how Bright Eyes is going, try some things out with him, and make plans for progress.

I thought the first session went brilliantly and I was a great RDI person... so I was extremely humbled to realise through our consultant that actually Bright Eyes wasn't doing so well. He appeared to be communicating and being an apprentice but if you looked closely, he was actually taking over and directing the play the entire time. I was accommodating him in a big way so that things would go smoothly. However, once he was asked to go along with me, he resisted dreadfully.

Once we worked this out, the rest of the week was spent helping him to be ok with being an apprentice and learning how to play within a relationship rather than having to be in control of everything. It took a lot of crying and tears (both of us) to get to the last session in which our play was a lot more interactive and relational.

I found it all very emotional and quite draining, but I've come home positive.

We have also made a HUGE change by putting the TV away. We knew, but we didn't want to admit that for a while now, Bright Eyes has been living in TV-land. It has become an addiction for him.

We have let it go on because it has been easier to keep him quiet by putting on a video when things get a bit rough. However, in the long term, that won't work for his benefit. So now we are TV-free, and we'll be strictly limiting computer time for everyone.

Today was the first day. I was expecting tantrums and fuss, but honestly - he hasn't even noticed. Let's hope it continues to be this easy!