2008

We've seen good progress this year - although it was a bit hard to believe that in the middle months somehow.

Speech is better. He is having more conversation type interactions. He is understanding more. He is asking questions about things. He is saying "Look at me" and being motivated to join in games with others. The other day we went to the park where he saw a little boy from preschool. "Eden. I got a Woody toy for Christmas. Eden. Do you want to play with me?"

He's better with people that he knows - if he's in the mood for them. He quite likes Mr Wardle next door and usually says hello and goodbye and makes a comment or asks a question. Today he asked for his grandparents to come and visit him. He knows the relationships between different people.

He shows great interest in what others are doing. Tonight our daughter was out with friends at fireworks. "Where is she?" asked Bright Eyes. I gave a vague answer but that wasn't specific enough for him. "Where did they go?" "What is she doing?"

He can cope with more noise and chaos than previously, although it's still not a whole lot.

He can deal better with transitions - he doesn't yelp any more - he can get in and out of the car without hassles (most of the time) - he doesn't have to do his specific rituals at the front door any more.

And I can deal better with it too. My everyday sadness has lifted somewhat. I feel more optimistic for him. I find myself treating him more like the other children than I used to. I expect more from him, and I don't panic or shut down as much as I used to.

So looking back, all in all it has been a good year, even though at times it seemed impossible to go on. I don't want to sound falsely happy as though it has all been great and steady progress and everything is on the up and up. There was a period where I really wondered if I could go on with this, and one or two episodes where I felt as low as I have ever felt, and in fact, really truly understood how some parents either harm their children or engage in self-harm.

Thankfully, though, with help and grace from God and from people, I have made it through the year - and I'm ending it with optimism. That's a real blessing - and probably the greatest miracle yet.

Pool bunny

Bright Eyes spent the entire day in my Poppa's pool today. We had a family Christmas party on. All he wanted to do was swim.

He experimented with being thrown, jumping in, and being pushed. He jumped so hard that his floaties (water wings) actually split!

It made for a very happy day for him. And I think he'll sleep extremely well tonight.

Christmas progress

If you've been reading for a while you might remember that last Christmas was pretty disastrous for Bright Eyes. He didn't cope with the noise, the presents, the people, the excitement. It was pretty much the worst Christmas I think he ever had.

This year, however, it is a different story. Tonight we had the first of our three family Christmas parties, with presents, dinner... the works. And he was great!

First, he had to wait for at least an hour for the rest of the family to get there. Then, he had to wait to find the present he really wanted (Woody from Toy Story). He helped to deliver the presents to all the rest of the family. He opened things by himself. He coped with the delays of getting toys out of boxes (&*$%^ packaging). He even coped with the delays in putting batteries in things and finding screwdrivers etc.

All in all, he was absolutely a normal child opening his Christmas presents. It was really wonderful to see such progress in a year.

And just now, he brought his Woody toy to me and said, "In the morning I will go to preschool and I will put Buzz and Woody in my locker. Then it will be news time. I'll show Woody for news."

After that, he said, "Woody is really fantastic. He is just fantastic. I want to show him to someone."

It's so nice to make progress.

We are now more than halfway through Stage 4 objectives. When we first looked at them in January, I thought, "Oh no, there is no way Bright Eyes can do this stuff." I looked again at the remaining ones yesterday and thought, "he can at least do half of all of these. There is nothing hugely out of his reach."

Then I looked at the Stage 5 objectives and thought, "But there's no way he's up to these." It's great because from the experience with Stage 4 I can see that he will get there. He's got this far, and unless things really change, he can get further and do even better as long as I'm content to go piece by piece, step by step.

Bushwalk resilience

During his big sister's harp lesson today, Bright Eyes and I went on a short bush walk. I enjoyed it. He didn't!

"Can we go back to the car now? We have to go home now. It's finished. I'm not going on a walk. It's not walk time. etc" He frequently tried to stop, turn around and run away.

I kept my mouth shut and stood close to him, offering my hand. At one stage I squatted next to him, held him close and just pointed in the direction we were intending to go.

He fought verbally, but didn't resist too much physically, so we did make it down the track a little ways and then back.

Half way down I stopped and said, "Hey, if we close our eyes we can listen to all sorts of sounds." He stopped for a bit, listened and said, "I can hear an eagle."

It was a good exercise in resilience for me (making it happen with guidance rather than force or entertainment) and competence for him (doing something he didn't feel confident about and succeeding.)

Oh my goodness

I have just this minute come back in from my husband's study where Bright Eyes has shown me a new song he has 'written' with our keyboard. He chose a rhythm and automatic arpeggio setting and then sang a version of Dorothy the Dinosaur with the CORRECT CHORD SEQUENCES! He pressed C then G then F then C again.

This child is definitely musical.

Holes in the roof

Bright Eyes and I sat in the crying room at church today which is where we usually sit, but today the TV sound was not working so we couldn't hear anything that was going on.

Rather than get frustrated and consider the morning a waste of time, I decided to use the fact that the little brother was happily at Sunday school and there was no one else in the crying room and worked on one of our RDI objectives.

This one is about imagination. We were playing 'Wake Up Jeff' which of course is a straight script from the Wiggles, so I decided to change it. I said "I'm imagining something really funny."

He turned to look at me with a quizzical face. I decided to wait and see if he was still interested if I didn't give it to him straight away. He turned away for a second and then turned back with a sort of 'Hmmm?' noise as if to say 'Well, go on then.'

I said, "Imagine if I said Wake up and you jumped so high that you hit the roof and made a hole in it! That would be funny!"

From there we talked about whether he would go through the roof (he would) and if it would hurt (yes, it would hurt his head). He suggested he would make a hole in the clouds (what's inside the clouds mum?) and then described what his big sister would say when she saw the hole ("Bright Eyes - you've got to be more careful") and how he would respond ("Sister, leave me alone and go to your room"). Then we talked about what a mess it would make on the floor (a big one and we'd clean it up with a vaccuum cleaner) and how high he would go (very high - right up into the sky) and how we'd have to fix the roof (with glue).

It was a great discussion. We both were partners in contributing ideas and moving the conversation along, and we were both genuinely enjoying the exchange. It really was a real conversation that I didn't have to manufacture.

All in all, not a waste of time at all.

Tantrum because of fear

On Thursday, Bright Eyes' preschool class was going on an excursion - to Moss Vale on the train.

I thought he would be very keen, as he often asks to go on trains and enjoyed Thomas so much for so long, so I talked it up a little bit.

Unfortunately I miscalculated. It turned out he was worried about going on the train. "It's dangerous. I can't go," he told me. He got so worked up that he threw a big wobbly tantrum at the preschool gate and I had to do the old unprise-the-hands-carry-the-child-in-kicking-and-screaming trick.

It turned out fine. The teacher took him down. At first she said he was terrified and gripping her hand so tightly she could hardly move. She noticed that as they got closer to the train and actually got on, he was starting to enjoy it.

I think the tantrum came out of genuine fear. He didn't think he could be competent without me on the train, so he didn't want to go.

I've been trying to talk about it with him all week - reminding him that he was scared, but in the end it was ok and he had a good time. I might have to draw some pictures of it with him.

Credits and sushi

Two unrelated things?

Bright Eyes really likes the rolling credits on the ends of films and TV shows. He always has to watch right to the end.

I've been noticing that my bamboo mat for rolling sushi keeps getting taken out of the kitchen drawer, and I've been wondering what the attraction is.

Yesterday I found that he is using the bamboo mat as a kind of 'rolling credits' of his own. He hums music, unrolls the mat and pretends that the strips of bamboo are the words going up or down the screen.

I have no idea what to make of it!

Relationships with other kids

Bright Eyes is keen to be friends with other children, but he doesn't really know what to do. He is fine if the game is a basic 'run and hide from the monster' type thing. He can tag along on the end and get excited.

He can also now do a simple "let's go down the slide together" or "let's swing our arms together" or even a "let's build a road together".

Once things start getting more complicated with roles and imagination, he gets lost and overwhelmed.

He is getting the idea of some people being his friends as well. He came in the other day and said, "George is my friend. I just like playing with him. Let's go and see George." And one day after preschool he told me in answer to a question that "I played with Liam. He's my friend. I like playing with him."

Just so you know, he's at RDI Stage 4.

Resistance

All year we have been working on an objective aimed at reducing resistance. Sometimes I think it will never end, but other days I can see how he is learning to build resilience.

Today and yesterday he wanted to watch more TV than I was prepared to give. He was very definite about it and went into a bit of a yelling/screaming thing when he hit my 'no'. After about 10 minutes, he went outside, sat by himself for a little while and then came in prepared to do something else.

Other good things that happened: he helped me fill a beanbag with beans, and then was really keen to help me vaccuum up the ones that fell all over the floor. He got interested in blowing them around during the job, but he did refocus to come back to putting the beans in the bag. It was great.

He was also keen to help unload the trolley a little bit at the shops. All in all, it was quite a 'partnering' type of day.