Bright Eyes is getting to a point where he can be bluffed. For many months we have had a big problem handling transitions - screams, cries, refusals, hiding, tantrums, the works.
Our consultant saw a video I managed to shoot while we were on holidays. We were heading to the beach and he was refusing loudly to go. I was overtalking it and trying to convince him that it would be fun. His sister was also chipping in.
Honestly - I'm so dumb. Words have never convinced him up to this point. Why do I think it should work now?
Once he saw that we really were going, though, and he might get left behind, his yell changed: "I don't want to go" (next breath) "I want to go!"
Our consultant's advice was to not get involved in negotiations. For example, if he doesn't want to go to the beach, let him stay (with one of us, but not being entertained) but let everyone else go and have fun. He will almost certainly change his tune.
We have managed to bluff him in nearly every transition in the last week, and we are seeing the improvements already. Getting him out the door is generally a lot easier and he is reacting in less extreme ways. Yay!
Showing posts with label language. Show all posts
Showing posts with label language. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Birthday
Bright Eyes is about to turn 5.
He definitely knows what's going on this year. We're having a party at a park, with a Thomas cake and balloons. He knows that he's getting presents, and he has strong ideas about what should be in them!
Grandma sent him a lovely little bridge for his train set, so I got him on the phone to say thank you.
He held the phone and said, "Oh, Grandma. Now I need James, Henry and Edward trains."
He definitely knows what's going on this year. We're having a party at a park, with a Thomas cake and balloons. He knows that he's getting presents, and he has strong ideas about what should be in them!
Grandma sent him a lovely little bridge for his train set, so I got him on the phone to say thank you.
He held the phone and said, "Oh, Grandma. Now I need James, Henry and Edward trains."
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Talking about... what?
I often share the cute (or coherent) things Bright Eyes says on this blog. The reason is that they are reasonably few and far between. We were outside today on the swing set and this was his conversation to me for about five to ten minutes.
“I’m Sam, You’re Elvis. Elvis! Elvis! Sam and Elvis. I’m Sam, You’re Elvis. (mutter) Sam, Sam... (louder) I’m going up. Up. Up. Mum! I’m going up there. I’ve got my blue and yellow. My blue and yellow and black. Hmm. Who’s that? Mum! Who’s that up there? You’ve got mumble mumble car. Red car is fixed. Black car is broken. Mum! He’s got a broken wheel. He’s got an ouchie. Mum! I’m Sam. I’m Sam. (not looking at me but clearly telling me to get off the swing) Get off, Sir. Sir. Sir. Get off. Let’s get off the fire truck. [Me: No. I want to stay on.] Let’s get off together. Let’s stay on. Wee-oh-wee-oh-wee-oh. We’re doing it. Sir. Red and blue and yellow and black...”
I know that most of the time he was talking about Fireman Sam (a lovely British kids TV program), but its hard to join in with the game sometimes because he has a strict way he likes to play it. There are days when I tune out...
“I’m Sam, You’re Elvis. Elvis! Elvis! Sam and Elvis. I’m Sam, You’re Elvis. (mutter) Sam, Sam... (louder) I’m going up. Up. Up. Mum! I’m going up there. I’ve got my blue and yellow. My blue and yellow and black. Hmm. Who’s that? Mum! Who’s that up there? You’ve got mumble mumble car. Red car is fixed. Black car is broken. Mum! He’s got a broken wheel. He’s got an ouchie. Mum! I’m Sam. I’m Sam. (not looking at me but clearly telling me to get off the swing) Get off, Sir. Sir. Sir. Get off. Let’s get off the fire truck. [Me: No. I want to stay on.] Let’s get off together. Let’s stay on. Wee-oh-wee-oh-wee-oh. We’re doing it. Sir. Red and blue and yellow and black...”
I know that most of the time he was talking about Fireman Sam (a lovely British kids TV program), but its hard to join in with the game sometimes because he has a strict way he likes to play it. There are days when I tune out...
Thursday, September 20, 2007
I'm over it all today
Sorry about all the negative posts. But this is going to be another one.
I am just really tired of all of this.
Everything I do with him, I have to think so hard about. The smallest request can turn into the biggest confrontation in ten seconds unless I am supercareful.
He still won't eat properly. He's still in nappies. He still sleeps in our bed. He still talks all day about stuff that's in his own head. He bosses. He won't get on with his brother. His voice is loud and demanding and stressful.
When I change his nappy, he has to put the clean nappy over his head first, before putting it on. Then he has to put his pants on over his head before putting them on. If I miss a step he has an anxiety attack.
RDI is really great but it's challenging and tiring to have to change so much of what I do and how I speak and how I relate. I need to think so carefully all day about how things can work. Every time I get feedback from our fortnightly review, I think, "How can I do this better? How can I remember this all day tomorrow?"
I've never naturally been one of those people who loves little kids and all the messy stuff that goes with preschool. Small children are hard work for me. Looking after them doesn't give me energy like it does for some.
Yes, of course there are good things. He danced today when we put music on. He's using more appropriate language every week. Overall, he's improved amazingly in 9 months.
But I'm tired and I'm sick of it all today. And I'm having a big whinge.
I am just really tired of all of this.
Everything I do with him, I have to think so hard about. The smallest request can turn into the biggest confrontation in ten seconds unless I am supercareful.
He still won't eat properly. He's still in nappies. He still sleeps in our bed. He still talks all day about stuff that's in his own head. He bosses. He won't get on with his brother. His voice is loud and demanding and stressful.
When I change his nappy, he has to put the clean nappy over his head first, before putting it on. Then he has to put his pants on over his head before putting them on. If I miss a step he has an anxiety attack.
RDI is really great but it's challenging and tiring to have to change so much of what I do and how I speak and how I relate. I need to think so carefully all day about how things can work. Every time I get feedback from our fortnightly review, I think, "How can I do this better? How can I remember this all day tomorrow?"
I've never naturally been one of those people who loves little kids and all the messy stuff that goes with preschool. Small children are hard work for me. Looking after them doesn't give me energy like it does for some.
Yes, of course there are good things. He danced today when we put music on. He's using more appropriate language every week. Overall, he's improved amazingly in 9 months.
But I'm tired and I'm sick of it all today. And I'm having a big whinge.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Language
New things Bright Eyes has said this week:
- Negatives, such as "I didn't" and "It doesn't".
- He answered the question "How are you?" with "Good thanks." (Previously he just looked blank or said 'yeh'.)
- I've been trying to put his scripts or funny sentences into context by saying, "Oh, you're thinking about the video we watched," or "Oh, you did that with James." Today, while he was sitting at the table he said, "Balancing beanbags on my head." Then he looked up at me and said off his own bat, "I'm thinking about preschool".
- He has a new habit of saying, "Mum, stop it" at all points of the day, sometimes several times a minute. He means it as something to attract my attention I think, so I'm trying a few different techniques to combat it including; 1) ignoring it but looking up when he says something else; 2) replacing it with 'tickle me Mum' or 'I love you mum'; and 3) turning it into a silly song where I go "stop it stop it stop it mum, stop it mum, stop it mum, stopitstopitstopistopitstopitsotpi..." etc.
Nothing has quite worked yet. It can be very annoying.
- Negatives, such as "I didn't" and "It doesn't".
- He answered the question "How are you?" with "Good thanks." (Previously he just looked blank or said 'yeh'.)
- I've been trying to put his scripts or funny sentences into context by saying, "Oh, you're thinking about the video we watched," or "Oh, you did that with James." Today, while he was sitting at the table he said, "Balancing beanbags on my head." Then he looked up at me and said off his own bat, "I'm thinking about preschool".
- He has a new habit of saying, "Mum, stop it" at all points of the day, sometimes several times a minute. He means it as something to attract my attention I think, so I'm trying a few different techniques to combat it including; 1) ignoring it but looking up when he says something else; 2) replacing it with 'tickle me Mum' or 'I love you mum'; and 3) turning it into a silly song where I go "stop it stop it stop it mum, stop it mum, stop it mum, stopitstopitstopistopitstopitsotpi..." etc.
Nothing has quite worked yet. It can be very annoying.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
More good days
Well, the prayer support and the RDA together seem to have done wonders for our little boy. He has had two very happy days and his language and comprehension and appropriate play have jumped forward. Also, he has been eating omelettes like they are going out of style!
I haven't had much to do with him due to sickness - see my regular blog for details of having go to hospital. He did come to see me in the hospital, and was very calm and regulated. The nurse next to me saw him walk in and said, "Hello, how old are you?" He turned right around, looked at her and said, "Four", holding up four fingers.
The nurse looked at me and said, "Wow, he speaks really well for a four year old." I was completely taken aback, but agreed with a smug, secret smile on my face. And even though I felt ill, I was happy for the rest of the day!
I haven't had much to do with him due to sickness - see my regular blog for details of having go to hospital. He did come to see me in the hospital, and was very calm and regulated. The nurse next to me saw him walk in and said, "Hello, how old are you?" He turned right around, looked at her and said, "Four", holding up four fingers.
The nurse looked at me and said, "Wow, he speaks really well for a four year old." I was completely taken aback, but agreed with a smug, secret smile on my face. And even though I felt ill, I was happy for the rest of the day!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Oh yeah... I forgot
I've been reminded today by our RDI consultant* to keep working at my use of language with Bright Eyes.
It takes a lot of effort to keep the ratio of 80% declarative/20% imperative language. I really became aware again today of how much of my speech is telling, bossing, asking, directing when I talk to all the children. I have to create more opportunities to share my experiences or observations with them to even the thing out.
As well as that, I have to cut down my total use of words and become more non-verbal. This is so Bright Eyes learns to use all methods of communication more effectively - tone, pace, body language, expression, non-verbal sounds.
Why do I keep forgetting and having to go back to basics again?
I think it's because it actually has such a good effect on him. Whenever I do get my language right for a couple of days, I can visibly see the improvements in his cognitive processing. He takes a few steps forward and starts communicating himself at a higher level.
At that point, it's easy to match his increase in language with an increase in my own. I start to fall back into old habits because I think he's improved so much, and then gradually, almost unnoticeably he creeps back into scripting and bossing and controlling his environment, which is the thing I am trying to change to begin with.
Just as well I have this blog with which to be as verbal as I like.
*This is the really good thing about working with a consultant. She is on top of things that I forget, or don't do well, or need help or new ideas with.
It takes a lot of effort to keep the ratio of 80% declarative/20% imperative language. I really became aware again today of how much of my speech is telling, bossing, asking, directing when I talk to all the children. I have to create more opportunities to share my experiences or observations with them to even the thing out.
As well as that, I have to cut down my total use of words and become more non-verbal. This is so Bright Eyes learns to use all methods of communication more effectively - tone, pace, body language, expression, non-verbal sounds.
Why do I keep forgetting and having to go back to basics again?
I think it's because it actually has such a good effect on him. Whenever I do get my language right for a couple of days, I can visibly see the improvements in his cognitive processing. He takes a few steps forward and starts communicating himself at a higher level.
At that point, it's easy to match his increase in language with an increase in my own. I start to fall back into old habits because I think he's improved so much, and then gradually, almost unnoticeably he creeps back into scripting and bossing and controlling his environment, which is the thing I am trying to change to begin with.
Just as well I have this blog with which to be as verbal as I like.
*This is the really good thing about working with a consultant. She is on top of things that I forget, or don't do well, or need help or new ideas with.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Declarative language
One of the first RDI principles I put in practice was to change my language.
In general conversation, studies have shown that about 80% of our speech is declarative. That means, we make comments or observations. We describe something. We point out something. We tell someone what we've been doing.
Examples: "Wow, look at that bird over there." "Yesterday we went to the beach." "That's a nice bag."
The other 20% of our general communication is instrumental - that is, we speak to obtain a response - typically asking a question or giving an instruction.
Examples: "What kind of bird is that?" "Where did you go yesterday?" "Pass me that bag please".
Often, though, when adults talk to children, the proportion of declarative to instrumental language gets reversed. We ask a LOT of questions and give a LOT of directions. We typically require immediate and specific responses from them.
Unfortunately ASD children often do not have the language or cognitive abilities to process lots of questions and instructions. People talk to them and get blank looks in response.
The RDI principle is to model normal language for these children - and keep to 80% declarative and 20% instrumental speech as much as possible, thus inviting rather than requiring a response. Secondly, to slow down, leave lots of gaps and encourage original thought.
So before, I would say to Bright Eyes: "What colour is that flower?" And sometimes I might get the right colour as an answer, but more likely he would resist answering and yell instead because he knew I was putting pressure on him.
Following RDI principles, now, I might say, "Oh wow - there's a flower over there," wait wait wait wait - up to 30 seconds - and usually he will make a comment back, like "red flower"or "big tree".
It was a real challenge to change the way I spoke to him - and to the other children too - and I wondered at first if it would make any difference. But even after a couple of days I could see him processing more, speaking more relevantly and clearly interacting better with me.
In general conversation, studies have shown that about 80% of our speech is declarative. That means, we make comments or observations. We describe something. We point out something. We tell someone what we've been doing.
Examples: "Wow, look at that bird over there." "Yesterday we went to the beach." "That's a nice bag."
The other 20% of our general communication is instrumental - that is, we speak to obtain a response - typically asking a question or giving an instruction.
Examples: "What kind of bird is that?" "Where did you go yesterday?" "Pass me that bag please".
Often, though, when adults talk to children, the proportion of declarative to instrumental language gets reversed. We ask a LOT of questions and give a LOT of directions. We typically require immediate and specific responses from them.
Unfortunately ASD children often do not have the language or cognitive abilities to process lots of questions and instructions. People talk to them and get blank looks in response.
The RDI principle is to model normal language for these children - and keep to 80% declarative and 20% instrumental speech as much as possible, thus inviting rather than requiring a response. Secondly, to slow down, leave lots of gaps and encourage original thought.
So before, I would say to Bright Eyes: "What colour is that flower?" And sometimes I might get the right colour as an answer, but more likely he would resist answering and yell instead because he knew I was putting pressure on him.
Following RDI principles, now, I might say, "Oh wow - there's a flower over there," wait wait wait wait - up to 30 seconds - and usually he will make a comment back, like "red flower"or "big tree".
It was a real challenge to change the way I spoke to him - and to the other children too - and I wondered at first if it would make any difference. But even after a couple of days I could see him processing more, speaking more relevantly and clearly interacting better with me.
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