Not ready yet

We tried to beat the heat today by riding in our airconditioned car to the airconditioned Powerhouse Museum where we thought we could have a few good hours of exploration.

Unfortunately, however, we realised Bright Eyes is not ready to hit a venue so full of stimulating sounds and sights. We could literally see him getting flooded. He turned bossy, controlling, anxious and loud. After a reasonable attempt for the rest of the family, we left for icecreams and headed home.

Maybe we'll try again next year.

Excuse me, but

Last night I had a dream that the Red Wiggle, Anthony, told me off for the way Bright Eyes was behaving at a school sports day.

"Excuse me, but he's autistic. I can't make him be quiet," I said to him, and then woke up.

Now that Bright Eyes is 5, I am starting to get a few more comments about his behaviour. People don't necessarily expect say, a three year old, to look at them, or answer, or even say anything remotely coherent. Once a child gets to the age of 5, however, there are more expectations on him.

Today we were at the pool. We have been there before with fewer people around. Bright Eyes swims very happily and confidently with his floaties on and loves being in the big pool.

Today was a lovely warm Sunday afternoon, and the pool was full. I was sitting by the side watching both boys when I saw o0ne of the lifeguards come by and try to tell Bright Eyes something. I could see that he was getting no response, so I went up to see what the problem was.

"He can't be in the big pool with floaties," he said. "If he loses one, he'll be in big trouble and I can't watch him all the time."

I started to get anxious. I knew that a happy trip to the pool could possibly turn into a major episode if I had to make him move.

"It's ok with me," I said. "He goes in there a lot and I'm watching him closely."

"Well, he'll have to go in the small pool. He just can't go in the big pool," he said again.

"I'm going to have trouble with that," I said. "He's got autism and if I tell him he has to move out when he's already been in there, he's going to cause a big big fuss."

"Oh, hmm, well, I guess if you stay here and watch him it will be ok," he said eventually. So I stayed less than four feet away from him for the rest of the time.

When the lifeguard came back, he tried to talk to him again to explain, but Bright Eyes figured out that he didn't like what he was saying, so he said to me, "Make him go away," and pointed at him. "I don't like it."

The lifeguard laughed a little bit and Bright Eyes said, "It's not funny. He can't laugh!"

After a few more unsuccessful attempts to connect with him, the lifeguard gave up and said to me, "You've got your hands full."

Yep.

Back to the bad old days...

I haven't seen Bright Eyes this stressed for weeks. He has had two very bad days and is bossing and yelling and tantruming like crazy. It's not exactly fun, but it does make me realise how far things had come. Hopefully we can get back there again relatively quickly.

What's made the difference?

Possibly birthday party stress. We had two in a week (his and his sister's), plus presents, plus people in the house and lots of excitement. Also, straight after the second party, he left to spend the weekend with Grandma. He spent two nights with her and I think being on his best behaviour and away from his normal routine left him pretty tired.

I hope we can soothe him down soon. He's not fun to be with right now and the other children are feeling the tension too.

One thing I did notice while he was away was how light I was without the responsibility and guilt I usually feel when he's in the house. I seem to worry all the time that I'm not doing enough, not spending enough time with him, not giving him everything I could possibly give him to help him improve. Somehow I need to work on being more free of guilt yet still doing what I need to.

Storytime

Here's a conversation we had today. It's a first to have him tell a story.

Bright Eyes: "Salty likes to tell stories. [That bit is a script.] Bright Eyes is a boy likes to tell stories too. I like to tell stories."

Me: "Really? Can you tell me a story?"

Bright Eyes: "This is a story about Mum. Mum likes go for a walk. One day she walked Bright Eyes. [mumble mumble, his brow furrowed as if concentrating.] Mouses. Then walked on the path. That's the end of the story."

And yes, he told a true story. It was the story of our walk to school in the morning. We had gone for a walk, and pretended to be mice to ease the tension he was feeling about not going in the car. First we walked on the grass, then on the path.

Aquarium

It was the last day of the school holidays today, so we took all the children to Sydney Aquarium for a special treat.

I was a bit concerned that Bright Eyes might not want to go, and certainly he seemed very negative about it if we mentioned it before we got there.

However, he LOVED it! He showed me fish and sharks, he looked at everything with delight and enjoyment. He went with his older sister and found great things to see. I was just delighted to see his face light up with every new display.