Right now Bright Eyes is wearing a pair of fingerless gloves that he has had on the last three days - ever since I brought them home for him. It seems that clothes hold no more fears for him. What a blessing.
Unfortunately, crowds and large playgrounds and exhibits still hold many fears for him. Or rather not fears, but over stimulation and build up of aggression. We spent the day in Darling Harbour and it got pretty hairy trying to get him out of the playground. He was bossy, aggro, stiff and tense, and generally hard to handle. I was glad to have my mum there to supervise the other children while I focused on him. I'm glad to be moving to a small village where there is not much to do or look at!
Big news is that he will be starting school probably part time when we move. I am finally at the point where I think he will cope with a bit of school and I don't shudder to send him. He's fairly excited about it and tells anyone who'll listen, "I go to big school in Kangaroo Vaaaalley". Of course, he hasn't actually started to go yet... there's a big difference between anticipation and reality.
If you are of the praying persuasion, I'd appreciate some prayer about his government funding for RDI once he turns 6 in August. I need to apply for special consideration for it to continue an extra year. Otherwise we'll be back to paying it out of our own pockets.
Showing posts with label tantrums. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tantrums. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I'll tell you when I'm ready to go
Today we had an interesting experience.
Bright Eyes did not want to go to preschool and did the whole scream and cry routine. He shut himself in his room, so I gave up and said, "We'll go later."
"I need to be by myself in my room," he said.
"Okay," I agreed.
Five minutes later I heard this: "You can come in now," so I went in and helped him come out with me. We started to talk gently about preschool and he said to me, "I'll tell you when I'm ready to go to preschool."
"Okay," I said. "Are you ready to go now?"
"No, not yet. I'm still patting the dog."
"How about we do 10 more pats and then we'll go," I suggested.
"20 more pats," he said.
"15," I negotiated.
After 15 pats, we went happily, and I mean really happily, to preschool. And he had a great day.
Bright Eyes did not want to go to preschool and did the whole scream and cry routine. He shut himself in his room, so I gave up and said, "We'll go later."
"I need to be by myself in my room," he said.
"Okay," I agreed.
Five minutes later I heard this: "You can come in now," so I went in and helped him come out with me. We started to talk gently about preschool and he said to me, "I'll tell you when I'm ready to go to preschool."
"Okay," I said. "Are you ready to go now?"
"No, not yet. I'm still patting the dog."
"How about we do 10 more pats and then we'll go," I suggested.
"20 more pats," he said.
"15," I negotiated.
After 15 pats, we went happily, and I mean really happily, to preschool. And he had a great day.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Journalling
My RDI task at the moment is journalling about working with Bright Eyes to cooperate and co-regulate.
Bright Eyes has been improving in his ability to be guided and to participate in a game or a task, as opposed to having to control it all the time.
We have really been enjoying having games with his Brum car and another one which I christened 'Sheridee'. It's a girl car apparently. They have been shopping, built garages, visited the beach and the snow, sailed in boats, pretended to be airplanes, gotten married to each other and generally had as full and interesting lives as is possible for small toy cars.
Bright Eyes continually invites us to participate with him, saying 'Want to play?' in a really sweet voice and full eye contact.
Today we made signs with the names Brum and Sheridee. I wrote their names in pencil, and gave him the fat texta to hold to trace over them. He wouldn't do it unless I had my hand very close to his on the pen, but the movement and the grip was all his. He seemed very proud of them at the end when I showed great excitement at the fact that he had written by himself.
We had a blow-out the other day on a walk around the lake. Bright Eyes decided to be the 'leader' and delegated his brother to being the 'follower'. His brother was unhappy about this and chased him to try to take over the 'leader' role. Fisticuffs ensued and I had to hold Bright Eyes back and say "That is not ok."
His brother took off, and Bright Eyes collapsed on the path. "I can't go. We have to go home. Home time. etc etc" in loud yells and screams. I sent the sister after the little one and got Bright Eyes up by noticing that he might get bitten by mosquitoes if he remained on the path. We walked along with him in varying states of unhappiness, but at least he was moving. It will be interesting to see if he can cope with not necessarily being the leader next time we try it.
Bright Eyes has been improving in his ability to be guided and to participate in a game or a task, as opposed to having to control it all the time.
We have really been enjoying having games with his Brum car and another one which I christened 'Sheridee'. It's a girl car apparently. They have been shopping, built garages, visited the beach and the snow, sailed in boats, pretended to be airplanes, gotten married to each other and generally had as full and interesting lives as is possible for small toy cars.
Bright Eyes continually invites us to participate with him, saying 'Want to play?' in a really sweet voice and full eye contact.
Today we made signs with the names Brum and Sheridee. I wrote their names in pencil, and gave him the fat texta to hold to trace over them. He wouldn't do it unless I had my hand very close to his on the pen, but the movement and the grip was all his. He seemed very proud of them at the end when I showed great excitement at the fact that he had written by himself.
We had a blow-out the other day on a walk around the lake. Bright Eyes decided to be the 'leader' and delegated his brother to being the 'follower'. His brother was unhappy about this and chased him to try to take over the 'leader' role. Fisticuffs ensued and I had to hold Bright Eyes back and say "That is not ok."
His brother took off, and Bright Eyes collapsed on the path. "I can't go. We have to go home. Home time. etc etc" in loud yells and screams. I sent the sister after the little one and got Bright Eyes up by noticing that he might get bitten by mosquitoes if he remained on the path. We walked along with him in varying states of unhappiness, but at least he was moving. It will be interesting to see if he can cope with not necessarily being the leader next time we try it.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Tantrum because of fear
On Thursday, Bright Eyes' preschool class was going on an excursion - to Moss Vale on the train.
I thought he would be very keen, as he often asks to go on trains and enjoyed Thomas so much for so long, so I talked it up a little bit.
Unfortunately I miscalculated. It turned out he was worried about going on the train. "It's dangerous. I can't go," he told me. He got so worked up that he threw a big wobbly tantrum at the preschool gate and I had to do the old unprise-the-hands-carry-the-child-in-kicking-and-screaming trick.
It turned out fine. The teacher took him down. At first she said he was terrified and gripping her hand so tightly she could hardly move. She noticed that as they got closer to the train and actually got on, he was starting to enjoy it.
I think the tantrum came out of genuine fear. He didn't think he could be competent without me on the train, so he didn't want to go.
I've been trying to talk about it with him all week - reminding him that he was scared, but in the end it was ok and he had a good time. I might have to draw some pictures of it with him.
I thought he would be very keen, as he often asks to go on trains and enjoyed Thomas so much for so long, so I talked it up a little bit.
Unfortunately I miscalculated. It turned out he was worried about going on the train. "It's dangerous. I can't go," he told me. He got so worked up that he threw a big wobbly tantrum at the preschool gate and I had to do the old unprise-the-hands-carry-the-child-in-kicking-and-screaming trick.
It turned out fine. The teacher took him down. At first she said he was terrified and gripping her hand so tightly she could hardly move. She noticed that as they got closer to the train and actually got on, he was starting to enjoy it.
I think the tantrum came out of genuine fear. He didn't think he could be competent without me on the train, so he didn't want to go.
I've been trying to talk about it with him all week - reminding him that he was scared, but in the end it was ok and he had a good time. I might have to draw some pictures of it with him.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Resistance and bluff
Bright Eyes is getting to a point where he can be bluffed. For many months we have had a big problem handling transitions - screams, cries, refusals, hiding, tantrums, the works.
Our consultant saw a video I managed to shoot while we were on holidays. We were heading to the beach and he was refusing loudly to go. I was overtalking it and trying to convince him that it would be fun. His sister was also chipping in.
Honestly - I'm so dumb. Words have never convinced him up to this point. Why do I think it should work now?
Once he saw that we really were going, though, and he might get left behind, his yell changed: "I don't want to go" (next breath) "I want to go!"
Our consultant's advice was to not get involved in negotiations. For example, if he doesn't want to go to the beach, let him stay (with one of us, but not being entertained) but let everyone else go and have fun. He will almost certainly change his tune.
We have managed to bluff him in nearly every transition in the last week, and we are seeing the improvements already. Getting him out the door is generally a lot easier and he is reacting in less extreme ways. Yay!
Our consultant saw a video I managed to shoot while we were on holidays. We were heading to the beach and he was refusing loudly to go. I was overtalking it and trying to convince him that it would be fun. His sister was also chipping in.
Honestly - I'm so dumb. Words have never convinced him up to this point. Why do I think it should work now?
Once he saw that we really were going, though, and he might get left behind, his yell changed: "I don't want to go" (next breath) "I want to go!"
Our consultant's advice was to not get involved in negotiations. For example, if he doesn't want to go to the beach, let him stay (with one of us, but not being entertained) but let everyone else go and have fun. He will almost certainly change his tune.
We have managed to bluff him in nearly every transition in the last week, and we are seeing the improvements already. Getting him out the door is generally a lot easier and he is reacting in less extreme ways. Yay!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Back to the bad old days...
I haven't seen Bright Eyes this stressed for weeks. He has had two very bad days and is bossing and yelling and tantruming like crazy. It's not exactly fun, but it does make me realise how far things had come. Hopefully we can get back there again relatively quickly.
What's made the difference?
Possibly birthday party stress. We had two in a week (his and his sister's), plus presents, plus people in the house and lots of excitement. Also, straight after the second party, he left to spend the weekend with Grandma. He spent two nights with her and I think being on his best behaviour and away from his normal routine left him pretty tired.
I hope we can soothe him down soon. He's not fun to be with right now and the other children are feeling the tension too.
One thing I did notice while he was away was how light I was without the responsibility and guilt I usually feel when he's in the house. I seem to worry all the time that I'm not doing enough, not spending enough time with him, not giving him everything I could possibly give him to help him improve. Somehow I need to work on being more free of guilt yet still doing what I need to.
What's made the difference?
Possibly birthday party stress. We had two in a week (his and his sister's), plus presents, plus people in the house and lots of excitement. Also, straight after the second party, he left to spend the weekend with Grandma. He spent two nights with her and I think being on his best behaviour and away from his normal routine left him pretty tired.
I hope we can soothe him down soon. He's not fun to be with right now and the other children are feeling the tension too.
One thing I did notice while he was away was how light I was without the responsibility and guilt I usually feel when he's in the house. I seem to worry all the time that I'm not doing enough, not spending enough time with him, not giving him everything I could possibly give him to help him improve. Somehow I need to work on being more free of guilt yet still doing what I need to.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Yelling
My big challenge this week is Bright Eyes' angry voice which he uses at every opportunity, particularly with his baby brother.
He yells "Right now" when he's frustrated with his sister and he will scream "Noooooo" at the top of his voice whenever his brother approaches.
"Where's your beautiful voice?" I say in response, but it doesn't always work.
It's wearing me out today.
He yells "Right now" when he's frustrated with his sister and he will scream "Noooooo" at the top of his voice whenever his brother approaches.
"Where's your beautiful voice?" I say in response, but it doesn't always work.
It's wearing me out today.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
count to 20
We've discovered a wonderful new way to get Bright Eyes transitioning more happily.
It came about when he wouldn't get out of the shower. Remembering that my current RDI objective is to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n, I said, "I'll count to 20 and then we'll turn off the taps."
I counted slowly and calmly all the way to 20, then reached in, turned the water off and took him out of the shower. He protested the first night. The second night he turned off the taps himself when I reached 20. The third night he happily turned off the water before I even got to 6.
I can now use the trick for anything I want him to do. "I'll count to 20 and then we're going to clean our teeth/ pack up the toys/ go inside/ get dressed..."
It also works for both boys when they are trying to share. Each is happy to have a turn with something, wait until I count and then hand it over to the other one for their turn.
It has backfired on me though. I was in the shower myself yesterday, hoping for a nice long hot soak, when Bright Eyes came in and counted slowly and deliberately up to 20. Once he got there, I had to turn off the water and hop out!
He was very proud of himself. "I counted for Mummy!" he said to his father.
It came about when he wouldn't get out of the shower. Remembering that my current RDI objective is to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n, I said, "I'll count to 20 and then we'll turn off the taps."
I counted slowly and calmly all the way to 20, then reached in, turned the water off and took him out of the shower. He protested the first night. The second night he turned off the taps himself when I reached 20. The third night he happily turned off the water before I even got to 6.
I can now use the trick for anything I want him to do. "I'll count to 20 and then we're going to clean our teeth/ pack up the toys/ go inside/ get dressed..."
It also works for both boys when they are trying to share. Each is happy to have a turn with something, wait until I count and then hand it over to the other one for their turn.
It has backfired on me though. I was in the shower myself yesterday, hoping for a nice long hot soak, when Bright Eyes came in and counted slowly and deliberately up to 20. Once he got there, I had to turn off the water and hop out!
He was very proud of himself. "I counted for Mummy!" he said to his father.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Just us
Bright Eyes had a great day today.
He was happy, calm and fun to be with. We made juice, we played 'mummy and baby tigers', we painted together and we made silly faces at each other for a long time.
What made the difference? A couple of things.
1. We had nowhere to be and nothing to do except hang out.
2. It was just him and me all day because the baby brother was at day care and the big sister was at school.
He seemed a lot more relaxed on his own, and I was more relaxed without having to deal with three little children's needs all day.
When he started to get oppositional or refuse to do something and yell "I won't", I started to yell it back at him in just the same tone, as if I was making fun of him. He looked surprised and then stopped the yelling. I said things like, "You sound like a huge lion when you do that!" or "You sound like an angry hippopotamus." It got a smile and defused the tension.
When both the other children came home, Bright Eyes began to get difficult and tense again, and I found it much harder to keep the calm again with two other children reacting to him as well.
It makes me wonder if I should plan one day with just him at home next year. It might make a big difference in his calm levels.
He was happy, calm and fun to be with. We made juice, we played 'mummy and baby tigers', we painted together and we made silly faces at each other for a long time.
What made the difference? A couple of things.
1. We had nowhere to be and nothing to do except hang out.
2. It was just him and me all day because the baby brother was at day care and the big sister was at school.
He seemed a lot more relaxed on his own, and I was more relaxed without having to deal with three little children's needs all day.
When he started to get oppositional or refuse to do something and yell "I won't", I started to yell it back at him in just the same tone, as if I was making fun of him. He looked surprised and then stopped the yelling. I said things like, "You sound like a huge lion when you do that!" or "You sound like an angry hippopotamus." It got a smile and defused the tension.
When both the other children came home, Bright Eyes began to get difficult and tense again, and I found it much harder to keep the calm again with two other children reacting to him as well.
It makes me wonder if I should plan one day with just him at home next year. It might make a big difference in his calm levels.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Cuddle cuddle cuddle
Today, finally, amongst all the end of year Christmas shemozzle, was a day where we didn't have to go anywhere, and we didn't have to do anything much.
I found that Bright Eyes was a lot calmer with the slower pace. In the times when he did start being oppositional, I just said, "You need a cuddle", hauled him on to my lap, and waited with him for a while - about two to three minutes. Then he recovered himself, and went back to do what I had suggested in the first place.
We did lots of 'together' activities. He asked to have a picnic in the lounge room, so we went to get the picnic rug together. Then we chose what we could eat together. After that, he helped me roll up the rug (he picked my pilates mat... not exactly picnicesque, but hey, it was comfortable) and we put it back together.
When eventually we did get in the car to do a few stops at some shops, he started refusing to get out of the car, but again, a cuddle in the back seat and at times, carrying him for a little bit, did the trick.
In general, it was a calm morning, not because he was perfect, but because I was going slow enough to avert the traumas.
This is progress, right?
I found that Bright Eyes was a lot calmer with the slower pace. In the times when he did start being oppositional, I just said, "You need a cuddle", hauled him on to my lap, and waited with him for a while - about two to three minutes. Then he recovered himself, and went back to do what I had suggested in the first place.
We did lots of 'together' activities. He asked to have a picnic in the lounge room, so we went to get the picnic rug together. Then we chose what we could eat together. After that, he helped me roll up the rug (he picked my pilates mat... not exactly picnicesque, but hey, it was comfortable) and we put it back together.
When eventually we did get in the car to do a few stops at some shops, he started refusing to get out of the car, but again, a cuddle in the back seat and at times, carrying him for a little bit, did the trick.
In general, it was a calm morning, not because he was perfect, but because I was going slow enough to avert the traumas.
This is progress, right?
Monday, December 17, 2007
Back to basics... again
Today was another of 'those days', where Bright Eyes just couldn't cope with anything. He tantrumed to turn off the TV, get in the car, go into the shops. He tantrumed at lunch, dinner and bath, and then again at bed. It was all too much.
So when it came time for RDI lab time, I decided to play it cool and take it very easy. I hardly used any words at all, and concentrated on physical co-regulation. We rocked a lot of the time, him sitting on my lap. We moved front and back, and then side to side, and then when I thought he was calm enough, we circled around together.
I tried to get him to play a finger game with me at one point early on, but he couldn't cope with the interaction so we went to a row-row action which was easier for him.
By the end he was well regulated and was able to cope with a 'falling in the mud and cleaning up' game with me, but in general, everything I did was all very slow, quiet and rhythmic.
Calming down after tantrums
I seem to be getting better at calming him down when he really throws a wobbly. I hold him on my lap (and he's happy to have the cuddles) and just rock back and forward gently. After ten minutes, or when I judge he's peaceful enough, I make a comment on something we can both see, or something about him. Eg. "There's a bird in the garden" or "You've got ten toes on your feet." I don't offer questions or abstract ideas - he seems to calm quicker if he focuses on something concrete.
So when it came time for RDI lab time, I decided to play it cool and take it very easy. I hardly used any words at all, and concentrated on physical co-regulation. We rocked a lot of the time, him sitting on my lap. We moved front and back, and then side to side, and then when I thought he was calm enough, we circled around together.
I tried to get him to play a finger game with me at one point early on, but he couldn't cope with the interaction so we went to a row-row action which was easier for him.
By the end he was well regulated and was able to cope with a 'falling in the mud and cleaning up' game with me, but in general, everything I did was all very slow, quiet and rhythmic.
Calming down after tantrums
I seem to be getting better at calming him down when he really throws a wobbly. I hold him on my lap (and he's happy to have the cuddles) and just rock back and forward gently. After ten minutes, or when I judge he's peaceful enough, I make a comment on something we can both see, or something about him. Eg. "There's a bird in the garden" or "You've got ten toes on your feet." I don't offer questions or abstract ideas - he seems to calm quicker if he focuses on something concrete.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Same old same old
Sometimes I wish I had something new to say. But I'm still struggling with frustration at constant tantrums, worry over food issues and energy to do RDI therapy. Every day seems much the same and I'm done beat by the end.
Today his tantrums were as follows:
7.30am - didn't want a banana for breakfast
8.30am - didn't want to turn off the TV
9.45am - wouldn't get out of the car after shopping
11.00am - didn't want to walk down to the butchers to buy sausages
11.20am - didn't want to get out of the car (solution to not walking) after buying sausages
11.45am - didn't want to sit up for an early lunch
12.00 noon - would only go and do therapy if he could take in his Wiggles toy
2.45pm - didn't want to put on his shoes
3.45pm - didn't want to come out for afternoon tea
4.45pm - definitely didn't want to leave our friends' house to go home
4.50pm - didn't want to get out of the car
6.15pm - didn't want to have his shower
When I say 'didn't want' I mean immediate tensing, stiffness, chin out, head up, scream "Nooo, no no no no no noooo!" I can calm him down by cuddling or carrying him and talking gently to him, but it takes a few minutes each time.
It is the ongoing grind of this sort of stuff that wears me down.
However, far be it from me to ignore the good stuff.
I think he definitely has one of the latest RDI objectives down pat: he is able to change his expression and tone when he wants to present a good impression. So if he wants something now, often we'll have him nodding and smiling at me as if to say, "Come on, when I'm cute I know you'll do it for me", rather than just demanding in a monotone.
Also, today he really did 'get' it when I told him what was happening. In the morning we had a little change of schedule, so I spelt it out pretty clearly. First, turning off the TV early (no Bear in the Big Blue House), then dropping off his sister, then shopping, then home to watch an episode of Bear.
And then in the afternoon, he got it again. First to school to do the pick up, then to our friends house, then home for bacon and eggs. He really understood and repeated it to me a few times. Too bad he couldn't cope with leaving their house when it actually came to the point...
Today his tantrums were as follows:
7.30am - didn't want a banana for breakfast
8.30am - didn't want to turn off the TV
9.45am - wouldn't get out of the car after shopping
11.00am - didn't want to walk down to the butchers to buy sausages
11.20am - didn't want to get out of the car (solution to not walking) after buying sausages
11.45am - didn't want to sit up for an early lunch
12.00 noon - would only go and do therapy if he could take in his Wiggles toy
2.45pm - didn't want to put on his shoes
3.45pm - didn't want to come out for afternoon tea
4.45pm - definitely didn't want to leave our friends' house to go home
4.50pm - didn't want to get out of the car
6.15pm - didn't want to have his shower
When I say 'didn't want' I mean immediate tensing, stiffness, chin out, head up, scream "Nooo, no no no no no noooo!" I can calm him down by cuddling or carrying him and talking gently to him, but it takes a few minutes each time.
It is the ongoing grind of this sort of stuff that wears me down.
However, far be it from me to ignore the good stuff.
I think he definitely has one of the latest RDI objectives down pat: he is able to change his expression and tone when he wants to present a good impression. So if he wants something now, often we'll have him nodding and smiling at me as if to say, "Come on, when I'm cute I know you'll do it for me", rather than just demanding in a monotone.
Also, today he really did 'get' it when I told him what was happening. In the morning we had a little change of schedule, so I spelt it out pretty clearly. First, turning off the TV early (no Bear in the Big Blue House), then dropping off his sister, then shopping, then home to watch an episode of Bear.
And then in the afternoon, he got it again. First to school to do the pick up, then to our friends house, then home for bacon and eggs. He really understood and repeated it to me a few times. Too bad he couldn't cope with leaving their house when it actually came to the point...
Friday, November 2, 2007
Forward, rewind, forward, rewind, forward, rewind
Watching Bright Eyes throw an enormous wobbly this morning because we were travelling to preschool in the black car rather than the red car, reminded me of listening to a CD which has a glitch and keeps hopping forwards and back.
"Noooo black car. Nooo. GO away Mummy."
Come on, sweetie. Calm down. Off we go to the car. I'll pick you up.
He came willingly when I carried him, but as we went down the steps, he couldn't cope.
"Jump off the bricks! Jump off the bricks!" (This is something he needs to do when we go out of the door.)
Heading to the car quite happily, then all of a sudden,
"nooo black car. Noo." Runs back to the top of the step.
"Jump off the bricks!"
"No black car..."
If I hadn't been stressed out by it, it would have been an interesting exercise to watch him switch madly between his obsessive thoughts.
In the end, we were going to be late, so I had to pick him up and plonk him in. He took about 15 minutes to calm down at preschool.
"Noooo black car. Nooo. GO away Mummy."
Come on, sweetie. Calm down. Off we go to the car. I'll pick you up.
He came willingly when I carried him, but as we went down the steps, he couldn't cope.
"Jump off the bricks! Jump off the bricks!" (This is something he needs to do when we go out of the door.)
Heading to the car quite happily, then all of a sudden,
"nooo black car. Noo." Runs back to the top of the step.
"Jump off the bricks!"
"No black car..."
If I hadn't been stressed out by it, it would have been an interesting exercise to watch him switch madly between his obsessive thoughts.
In the end, we were going to be late, so I had to pick him up and plonk him in. He took about 15 minutes to calm down at preschool.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Yuck
It hasn't been the greatest day.
Bright Eyes has been very difficult to deal with. Lots of tantrums and inability to cope with change.
Of course, it didn't help that I was recovering from a night in emergency on Sunday (vomiting bug), his sister was home 'sick' from school and my husband is away for two days.
It makes me realise just how well he has been doing, because today it felt like the bad old days again.
Bright Eyes has been very difficult to deal with. Lots of tantrums and inability to cope with change.
Of course, it didn't help that I was recovering from a night in emergency on Sunday (vomiting bug), his sister was home 'sick' from school and my husband is away for two days.
It makes me realise just how well he has been doing, because today it felt like the bad old days again.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Going to church
After last week's tomasha about going to church (see a few posts down for a description of Tantrum Of The Year), I whispered into Bright Eyes' ears on Saturday night this week "We're going to church tomorrow. No crying for church, ok?"
He looked up at me and said, "No crying for church. Church is smile!"
You got it kid. (And he did.)
He looked up at me and said, "No crying for church. Church is smile!"
You got it kid. (And he did.)
Finally clean
Bright Eyes took his first bath in a week tonight. For the last six or seven days he has been refusing and we have been happy enough to avoid a tantrum and live with him being relatively grubby for a few days.
The tantrums are settling down though, so we can go back to having a clean child again.
He would have been clean last night as well except for a little mishap.
Bright Eyes had been playing with his 'Brum' car all day, and Andrew's brilli
ant idea to get him into the bath was to say "Let's give Brum a bath." Bright Eyes thought that was great, so followed Daddy in, had his clothes taken off happily and was just about to get into the water for the first time in six days when... Daddy noticed that baby, who was already in the bath, had done a poo! Ick!
ant idea to get him into the bath was to say "Let's give Brum a bath." Bright Eyes thought that was great, so followed Daddy in, had his clothes taken off happily and was just about to get into the water for the first time in six days when... Daddy noticed that baby, who was already in the bath, had done a poo! Ick! That was it for Bright Eyes. He has standards, and there was no way he was going into the bathtub even after it had been scrubbed.
Thankfully the Brum trick worked again tonight! Our clean boy is back.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Tantrums again
This week has been really bad for tantrums.
Saturday: big one before bed time. Why? He was having too much fun with grandparents and didn't want to stop.
Sunday: big one before church. Why? Dunno! Two more throughout the day - can't remember why.
Monday: At least one. Can't remember why!
Tuesday: huge wobbly at the Early Intervention Unit. Again, he was having too much fun and didn't want to leave. It was very embarrassing to have the school principal come outside to find what all the noise was about! Two more during the day as well.
Today: two so far. Daddy went out before school, so Bright Eyes had to accompany us to drop off big sister. He didn't want to, and ran away and screamed. I had to carry him part of the way.
Our 'activity' for the morning was going to post letters two blocks away. First he wouldn't leave the house, so I picked him up protesting and plonked him on the steps. Then I held him tight on my lap to calm him down.
By the time he was ready to walk (20 mins later), one shoe had been kicked off and there was no way it was going to go back on again. I decided a shoe was an unnecessary luxury and we walked anyhow - him with one shoe on, one shoe off! We got there posted our three letters and headed back, but before we crossed the street to our house, he decided he wanted to walk to the video shop and chucked another tantie. Thankfully Daddy was home and could give me a hand getting him into the house, where he took another 20 mins to calm down again.
This is like the bad old days. What is going on?
Saturday: big one before bed time. Why? He was having too much fun with grandparents and didn't want to stop.
Sunday: big one before church. Why? Dunno! Two more throughout the day - can't remember why.
Monday: At least one. Can't remember why!
Tuesday: huge wobbly at the Early Intervention Unit. Again, he was having too much fun and didn't want to leave. It was very embarrassing to have the school principal come outside to find what all the noise was about! Two more during the day as well.
Today: two so far. Daddy went out before school, so Bright Eyes had to accompany us to drop off big sister. He didn't want to, and ran away and screamed. I had to carry him part of the way.
Our 'activity' for the morning was going to post letters two blocks away. First he wouldn't leave the house, so I picked him up protesting and plonked him on the steps. Then I held him tight on my lap to calm him down.
By the time he was ready to walk (20 mins later), one shoe had been kicked off and there was no way it was going to go back on again. I decided a shoe was an unnecessary luxury and we walked anyhow - him with one shoe on, one shoe off! We got there posted our three letters and headed back, but before we crossed the street to our house, he decided he wanted to walk to the video shop and chucked another tantie. Thankfully Daddy was home and could give me a hand getting him into the house, where he took another 20 mins to calm down again.
This is like the bad old days. What is going on?
Sunday, July 29, 2007
A few forward, a few back
For every number of positive posts, there has to be a negative one, and today's is about tantrums.
For the last week, Bright Eyes has been refusing to go with me out of the house to anywhere except for preschool.
For the most part I have been able to get around this because my husband mostly works from home (he's a church minister) and I can leave him there if I have to.
However, this morning was Sunday and Daddy was already at church when Bright Eyes decided that there was NO WAY he was leaving the house or putting on his shoes, or changing his pull-up, or brushing his teeth, or or or.... you name it.
My options were:
1. Give in. But that's not really an option. We all go to church. It's pretty much a non-negotiable in our house. Besides, it's not fair to deprive Big Sister of her time with friends at Kids church. Bright Eyes had to go.
2. Ring for help. Not really an option either. Daddy was busy organising for the service and no-one else except me can handle Bright Eyes. Someone else could have taken the other children and I could have stayed with Bright Eyes, but that's not really an option either - see no. 1 above.
3. Wait until he calms down and then go. Possible, but see no. 4 below.
4. Take him and count on him calming down once we're there and settling right in.
I decided No. 4 was the best option. I knew that it could take up to half an hour to calm him, either here or there, but I knew that if I tried to move him again having calmed him here, he could very easily explode again, so calming there was the better option.
So, with deep breaths, and not a few swear words going in my head (sorry everyone) I organised the other two children, packed the bags and the snacks, and loaded the car with everything, having decided that our usual walk would be impossible.
I then walked calmly into husband's office, confronted screaming boy, picked him up kicking and squirming, carried him out of the house and plopped him in the car.
The next dilemma was the seatbelt. He wouldn't put it on. I'm not going to tell you what I did because it was illegal, but it was the best of many bad options. Needless to say, I was very slow and very careful, and we all arrived there ok.
Once there, I pulled right up next to the door of the church and let Big Sister out. Then we just sat and waited. After about 10 minutes of screaming, he let me cuddle him. Then it took another 10 minutes of huffing and puffing to talk about putting shoes on and then another 5 minutes to think up creative ways to get out the door of the car without it seeming like we were getting out of the car.
Once out, everything was fine. He had a lovely time at church and was fine, until... the next tantrum in lab time... and the next one before bath....
What is going on? I feel terrified that I've done something bad or wrong and he's going backwards again!
For the last week, Bright Eyes has been refusing to go with me out of the house to anywhere except for preschool.
For the most part I have been able to get around this because my husband mostly works from home (he's a church minister) and I can leave him there if I have to.
However, this morning was Sunday and Daddy was already at church when Bright Eyes decided that there was NO WAY he was leaving the house or putting on his shoes, or changing his pull-up, or brushing his teeth, or or or.... you name it.
My options were:
1. Give in. But that's not really an option. We all go to church. It's pretty much a non-negotiable in our house. Besides, it's not fair to deprive Big Sister of her time with friends at Kids church. Bright Eyes had to go.
2. Ring for help. Not really an option either. Daddy was busy organising for the service and no-one else except me can handle Bright Eyes. Someone else could have taken the other children and I could have stayed with Bright Eyes, but that's not really an option either - see no. 1 above.
3. Wait until he calms down and then go. Possible, but see no. 4 below.
4. Take him and count on him calming down once we're there and settling right in.
I decided No. 4 was the best option. I knew that it could take up to half an hour to calm him, either here or there, but I knew that if I tried to move him again having calmed him here, he could very easily explode again, so calming there was the better option.
So, with deep breaths, and not a few swear words going in my head (sorry everyone) I organised the other two children, packed the bags and the snacks, and loaded the car with everything, having decided that our usual walk would be impossible.
I then walked calmly into husband's office, confronted screaming boy, picked him up kicking and squirming, carried him out of the house and plopped him in the car.
The next dilemma was the seatbelt. He wouldn't put it on. I'm not going to tell you what I did because it was illegal, but it was the best of many bad options. Needless to say, I was very slow and very careful, and we all arrived there ok.
Once there, I pulled right up next to the door of the church and let Big Sister out. Then we just sat and waited. After about 10 minutes of screaming, he let me cuddle him. Then it took another 10 minutes of huffing and puffing to talk about putting shoes on and then another 5 minutes to think up creative ways to get out the door of the car without it seeming like we were getting out of the car.
Once out, everything was fine. He had a lovely time at church and was fine, until... the next tantrum in lab time... and the next one before bath....
What is going on? I feel terrified that I've done something bad or wrong and he's going backwards again!
Sunday, July 1, 2007
New shoes
It must have been the prayer requests that I sent around yesterday... because Bright Eyes had a great day.
First off, we put on his new shoes. These are shoes that have been hanging around the house for at least two months. He is notoriously fussy about what he wears and will not wear anything interesting (no pictures, patterns or cute colours) or new. So given that his current shoes are getting too small I knew it was going to be a hard job to put new ones on him.
For a few months I've been pointing out the shoes, holding them up against his feet ("No no no no no no") and talking about them. Yesterday I "lost" his old shoes and tried to put the new ones on, but he ran screaming into the other room, so I miraculously "found" the old ones again to reassure him.
Today though, we managed to get one new one on. At that point, he got upset, but not uncontrollably. I stopped him from pulling the shoe off, got him on my knee and gave him a cuddle for about five minutes. Then I picked up a few favourite books, and we read together for a while. I got the second shoe on when he was happy, and again did the cuddle and the book routine so he wouldn't take it off.
At that point, he was still protesting mildly, so I kept him close to me for the rest of the morning before we went out. If he even had a minute alone, I figured he would have taken it off, so he didn't get a chance.
End result: the shoes stayed on all through church. He walked there and back in them and didn't complain. Hooray.
First off, we put on his new shoes. These are shoes that have been hanging around the house for at least two months. He is notoriously fussy about what he wears and will not wear anything interesting (no pictures, patterns or cute colours) or new. So given that his current shoes are getting too small I knew it was going to be a hard job to put new ones on him.
For a few months I've been pointing out the shoes, holding them up against his feet ("No no no no no no") and talking about them. Yesterday I "lost" his old shoes and tried to put the new ones on, but he ran screaming into the other room, so I miraculously "found" the old ones again to reassure him.
Today though, we managed to get one new one on. At that point, he got upset, but not uncontrollably. I stopped him from pulling the shoe off, got him on my knee and gave him a cuddle for about five minutes. Then I picked up a few favourite books, and we read together for a while. I got the second shoe on when he was happy, and again did the cuddle and the book routine so he wouldn't take it off.
At that point, he was still protesting mildly, so I kept him close to me for the rest of the morning before we went out. If he even had a minute alone, I figured he would have taken it off, so he didn't get a chance.
End result: the shoes stayed on all through church. He walked there and back in them and didn't complain. Hooray.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
sigh, oh well...
After some positive posts, I feel compelled to even out the balance and share about today's tantrum.
It's cold here in Mittagong, but even so, I have had trouble getting Bright Eyes to wear his warm jacket. He doesn't seem to want to understand that the unpleasant feeling when the wind blows could be taken away if he had the jacket on.
I noticed today at preschool he was wearing his jacket. So when we set out to take older sister plus two friends to Kids club down the road this afternoon, I thought I would make him wear it.
It didn't work.
Picture me with a baby in a pram plus three other children and a bag of library books getting out the door with Bright Eyes yelling at the top of his lungs, "Jacket Off Jacket Off Jacket Off!" He wouldn't walk, so I carried him kicking and screaming, whilst pushing the pram, across two roads and up to the meeting hall.
The little girls were very helpful but slightly overawed by the fracas. I sent them in while Bright Eyes, jacket off by this time, headed behind a large bush and melted down for a while. We (baby and me) stood and waited until he calmed down a little and ran into the Kids Club hall, which is a place he loves to go every week.
From that point, he was fine. We went to the library as normal. And the jacket stayed off. The next bout of kicking and screaming came on for bathtime...
I got home sick of the whole thing and more than slightly frazzled.
How do they get that jacket on at preschool?
It's cold here in Mittagong, but even so, I have had trouble getting Bright Eyes to wear his warm jacket. He doesn't seem to want to understand that the unpleasant feeling when the wind blows could be taken away if he had the jacket on.
I noticed today at preschool he was wearing his jacket. So when we set out to take older sister plus two friends to Kids club down the road this afternoon, I thought I would make him wear it.
It didn't work.
Picture me with a baby in a pram plus three other children and a bag of library books getting out the door with Bright Eyes yelling at the top of his lungs, "Jacket Off Jacket Off Jacket Off!" He wouldn't walk, so I carried him kicking and screaming, whilst pushing the pram, across two roads and up to the meeting hall.
The little girls were very helpful but slightly overawed by the fracas. I sent them in while Bright Eyes, jacket off by this time, headed behind a large bush and melted down for a while. We (baby and me) stood and waited until he calmed down a little and ran into the Kids Club hall, which is a place he loves to go every week.
From that point, he was fine. We went to the library as normal. And the jacket stayed off. The next bout of kicking and screaming came on for bathtime...
I got home sick of the whole thing and more than slightly frazzled.
How do they get that jacket on at preschool?
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