Last night I had a dream that the Red Wiggle, Anthony, told me off for the way Bright Eyes was behaving at a school sports day.
"Excuse me, but he's autistic. I can't make him be quiet," I said to him, and then woke up.
Now that Bright Eyes is 5, I am starting to get a few more comments about his behaviour. People don't necessarily expect say, a three year old, to look at them, or answer, or even say anything remotely coherent. Once a child gets to the age of 5, however, there are more expectations on him.
Today we were at the pool. We have been there before with fewer people around. Bright Eyes swims very happily and confidently with his floaties on and loves being in the big pool.
Today was a lovely warm Sunday afternoon, and the pool was full. I was sitting by the side watching both boys when I saw o0ne of the lifeguards come by and try to tell Bright Eyes something. I could see that he was getting no response, so I went up to see what the problem was.
"He can't be in the big pool with floaties," he said. "If he loses one, he'll be in big trouble and I can't watch him all the time."
I started to get anxious. I knew that a happy trip to the pool could possibly turn into a major episode if I had to make him move.
"It's ok with me," I said. "He goes in there a lot and I'm watching him closely."
"Well, he'll have to go in the small pool. He just can't go in the big pool," he said again.
"I'm going to have trouble with that," I said. "He's got autism and if I tell him he has to move out when he's already been in there, he's going to cause a big big fuss."
"Oh, hmm, well, I guess if you stay here and watch him it will be ok," he said eventually. So I stayed less than four feet away from him for the rest of the time.
When the lifeguard came back, he tried to talk to him again to explain, but Bright Eyes figured out that he didn't like what he was saying, so he said to me, "Make him go away," and pointed at him. "I don't like it."
The lifeguard laughed a little bit and Bright Eyes said, "It's not funny. He can't laugh!"
After a few more unsuccessful attempts to connect with him, the lifeguard gave up and said to me, "You've got your hands full."
Yep.
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2 comments:
Hi cecily,
I'm a mum of a 4 yr old boy with a PDD-NOS diagnosis and found your blog on the web. I tune every so often to see what you and your family are up to. I just wanted to say that I think it's really the lifeguards issue - not BEs or yours. It seems that you and your family were having a lovely time and that the expectation of the NT world (via the lifeguard) was what derailed the situation. After 1 1/2 yrs of living with autism I have come to a (fairly) peaceful kind of feeling that it is the right of all people to be accepted within their capabilities. If someone is deliberately flouting the rules then that's another matter. But, as there was really no problem - you were there monitoring the situation - you should be able to use the public pool in a way that is safe, appropriate and enjoyable to your family's special needs. This is not to say that one needs to get angry at the lifeguard, but that there should be an understanding and respect of different needs. I know what it's like when people make comments like that - it brings you down and makes you not enjoy your unique child. It makes you feel they (and you) are being judged and found wanting. What I try to remember is this is the ignorance of other people who do not know and (now that I am less angry and upset than I was about people reactions than a year ago) it is my job to share with them that is they responsibily as a human being to adapt and learn that we are not all the same and this is actually not such a bad thing. Anyway, sorry for my long rave - I wish you and you family all the very best. Regards, Lydia
Thanks Lydia. Nice to hear from you. We were having a great time, and it was his issue of wanting things to be 'neat and tidy' for himself, when clearly, Bright Eyes' needs are not neat and tidy! Oh well. We'll probably head back to the pool when there are less people and maybe a different lifeguard!
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